


The Waves Know

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 42,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Erin wakes up trapped after thinking that she had died at the hands of John Curtis. But what he has planned for her is so much more than an easy death. Will she be able to escape his clutches as time goes on? And just who is he working with to keep her locked up?
Relationships: David Rossi/Erin Strauss
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

Erin groggily sat up and rubbed at her head. The lingering ache there told her that she was alive, but she didn't know how. The last thing she remembered clearly was John breaking into her hotel room and forcing her to drink all the bottles in her minibar, along with the MDMA cocktail that he had used to kill so many people. Erin had vague memories of walking the streets of New York, John by her side, but she couldn't be certain what he said, or what Aaron has said to her when he found her. If he had found her. She didn't know if that was a hallucination or not. She didn't know how much had been John coaxing her into revealing truths about their shared past. All she knew is that she was cold and hungry and in desperate need of a bathroom.

Getting to her feet, Erin took a look around the room she had woken up in, taking in the bed that had a surprisingly comfortable mattress, as her back didn't ache. There was a truly tiny window at the top of the wall which allowed a little light to stream into the room, but it was too high for her to reach and too small for her to crawl out of. Shaking her head a little, Erin began to shuffle around the room, taking in fact that the floor was thinly carpeted, and the way it felt beneath her feet told Erin that the floor beneath was concrete. "So, I'm in a basement," she murmured as she looked around for a way to escape. There were two doors in the room, a heavy metal one on the wall across from the window while the other was a normal wooden door on the wall across from her bed.

Frowning a little, she went over to the wooden door first, wondering if that would be her way out. Opening it, her shoulders slumped to see that it was the bathroom. Taking a moment to empty her bladder, Erin quickly washed her hands before shivering with cold. Heading out of the bathroom, she hurried over to the heavy metal door and frantically pulled at the handle, unsurprised to find that it was locked. It was beginning to look clearer that she had been taken hostage by John, or someone working on behalf of him, and she trudged back to the bed, curling up against the headboard and allowing herself to cry for a few minutes. A part of her knew that she couldn't wallow in self pity, as she had to find a way out of the situation, somehow. Her children and David waited for her out there, and she would do anything to get back to them. Taking a few deep breaths, Erin got up from the bed once more in order to get a better look at the room she was being held in. There wasn't much to the main room, the walls were made up of the same concrete that the floor most likely was, while the ceiling was unfinished, as she could see the wooden beams that supported the floor above. "I'm clearly in a basement," she said as she turned on the lamp that was next to her bed, filling the room with a little more light. Opening the top drawer of the nightstand, she found the book that she had been reading back home, the bookmark still in place, and she shivered once more. "How many people did John have working for him?" she murmured as she took the book out and set it next to the lamp.

Next to the nightstand was a larger dresser, and she opened each drawer in turn, a feeling of dread filling her stomach as she took in the sight of her clothes. This had clearly gone much deeper than she had realized, and once more tears began to pool in her eyes as she pulled out a warm cardigan and pulled it on, buttoning it hurriedly as she took a look at the rest of the contents of the room. There wasn't much there, but she was unnerved by the fact that the bookcase contained all the books she wanted to read, while the top of it was covered in pictures of her children, along with Alex, David, and Penelope. Picking up the picture of the younger woman, Erin frowned, wondering how John had known that she had been growing closer to the woman. The only person in her life that knew that was David, since he had been the one to encourage the friendship.

The sick feeling in her stomach, accompanied by the growing headache, caused her to seek out the bathroom once more, and she threw up violently in the toilet, hating the burn of bile against the back of her throat. "You have to keep it together, Erin," she murmured as she got to her feet once more, washing her mouth out to fee it from the taste of sickness. "The only way that you'll come out of this alive is if you remain on your toes."

Using the fact that she was already in the bathroom to explore, she saw that medicine cabinet above the sink contained all of her skincare products, along with her makeup, while the top drawer of sink cabinet contained her brushes and other makeup tools. There was a small closet next to the sink that contained fresh towels, washcloths, and rolls of toilet paper. Everything that she needed to take care of her personal needs was contained there, which told her, again, that John had been paying much closer attention to her than she had even realized. A cold, sinking, realization filled her brain that she was never meant to be found, that this was the place she would die, forgotten and alone. Which was worse than having died on the streets of NYC, because at least she had been surrounded by people. Now, though, she would live with the creeping horror that she was one day closer to death and yet everyone she loved already thought she was dead.

Though she didn't want to cry yet again that morning, or what felt like morning, Erin still found tears flooding her eyes as she stumbled back into her main room and fell back onto the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she tried to gather her thoughts, to come up with a plan of action, but nothing was forthcoming. All she could think about was her family, and how she wanted to curl up with her children. Her stomach began to growl angrily, reminding her that she had no idea when she'd last eaten. Sitting up, she scanned the room for a cupboard that she had missed that might contain food. As she was doing that, the sound of metal creaking caught her attention, and she looked towards the locked door, only to see that a small door was opening in the middle of it, and as she watched, a tray was pushed through containing a plate of food and two bottles of water. Hurriedly, she rushed over to the door and dropped to her knees, trying to look out at the person there. "Let me out, John! Please!" There was no answer, just the tray being jostled closer to her, and she took hold of it in defeat as the small door was slammed closed, leaving her alone once more.


	2. Chapter 2

When she could think again, Erin sighed as she got to her feet and carried the tray of food over to the bed, since there wasn't a table in her room. Carefully sitting down, she took a look at what had been provided for her meal. To her shock, the food looked delicious and well made, with chicken on a bed of rice and steamed broccoli as a side. It appeared as if John wanted to keep her healthy, but a part of her knew that that was because he wanted her to suffer for as long as possible. Her stomach growled again, and she nodded to herself as she picked up the fork and knife, digging into the meal that was provided.

Once she was finished, she brought the tray back to the door, looking for a way to open that smaller hatch, to let John know that she was finished with her meal. Hesitantly, she pushed on the small square, finding that it opened easily to her touch, but also quickly figuring out that there was no way she could reach the handle of the door from the outside, her arms simply weren't long enough, and it was too small for her to squeeze herself through in an attempt to escape. Letting out a deep sigh, she set the tray on the shelf for someone to take care of later, just in case John had helpers she didn't know about at the moment. Hoping that someone was out there, listening to her, she leaned in close to the square door and called out, "I need more stimulation than just books to read, John. Perhaps a laptop so that I can write or play games? Even though I'm assuming that I won't have internet access, since that would mean I could reach out and have contact with the world at large, and you obviously don't want that to happen. And if it stays this cold down here, I'll need a few more blankets and warmer socks. And a calendar would be nice, too."

There were so many other things that she wanted to ask for, but decided to leave it at that. Besides, she wasn't even certain that John was listening to her demands. Letting out a deep sigh, she glanced down at her body, seeing that she was still wearing the same clothes she had been when John had dragged her out of the hotel, and shuddered a little at the memory. "A long, hot, shower will help take away some of this lingering awfulness," she said quietly as she got to her feet, heading over to the dresser and pulling out a fresh set of clothes. While she couldn't be certain of what time it was, since she didn't have her watch, she still wanted to feel like she was dressed for the day, even if said day was spent in such an enclosed space.

Stripping off her cardigan, Erin tossed that onto the bed before padding into the bathroom and removing the rest of her clothing. Inside the bathroom was a small hamper, which meant that someone was going to collect her clothes to wash them at some point, and that thought both made her frustrated and happy. Knowing that there was nothing she could do about that at the moment, she dropped her filthy loungewear into the basket before stepping into the shower and turning the water on, easily managing to get it to the perfect temperature. As the water beat down on her, Erin quietly began to sing beneath her breath, wanting to fill the air with something other than quietness. As she raised her arms to wash her hair, Erin hissed in pain and brought her wrist to stare at it in horror. There was a livid wound there, in the shape of an infinity symbol, and she cringed a little to know that John had marked her at some point. She didn't remember that happening, and a sense of despair filled her senses as she tried to wash her hair with only one hand, not wanting to irritate that wound any further.

Finally, the water ran cold, and she had to step out of the shower, wrapping a large bath sheet around her body as she twisted another towel around her hair. As her body dried, Erin searched the medicine cabinet for a salve that she could apply to her wrist before taping a bandage over the wound so that it could heal in peace. With that done, she dressed and ran the brush through her hair before applying a light dab of perfume in an effort to feel some sort of normal in a completely abnormal situation. Straightening her shoulders, she made her way back out to her room. As Erin looked over at the door, she stiffened, a stifled gasp dying in her throat to see that her food tray had been removed, replaced with a pile of things.

Hesitantly, she went over to the door and looked at what she had been given. A little chuckle that turned into a sob escaped her lips when she saw that her mother's quilt was on the bottom of the pile, along with some woolen socks. Also included was the calendar she had asked for, along with a notebook and a box of pens. On the very top of the pile, there was a deck of cards, and she rolled her eyes a little at that. "There's only so much solitaire that I can play, John. And I still have no way to tell time," she called out as she picked up the first few items and carried them over to her nightstand, stowing them in the top drawer before returning for the socks and her quilt.

There was something comfortably disquieting about having access to this quilt, and she wondered if her children would notice its absence from her belongings when they went through them. Maybe that would be the catalyst to them asking questions about what really happened in New York, and lead to her being rescued from John's clutches. A tiny smile curved her lips upwards as she bent down and pulled on the socks before spreading out the quilt and wrapping it around her body. Erin didn't feel in the mood to write, so she picked up her book and settled back against the wall before opening it and picking up where she had left off. To her surprise, it didn't take long for her to get lost in the story once more, and before she knew it, the small door was opening once more, a fresh tray being pushed through, containing another meal. Putting a bookmark in her place, Erin went over and picked up the tray, an ironic smile twisting across her lips when she saw that there was a clock included on the tray, one that told her date and time.

"Thanks, John, for nothing," she muttered as she took hold of the tray and carried it back to her bed, sinking down on it and setting the clock up near the lamp. She was surprised to see that it was nearly half past six, as it didn't feel that late. Shaking her head, she ate the food presented her. Once more, it was healthy and delicious. Shivering a little, Erin began to wonder just why John would care about her health, since she was his prisoner, he shouldn't care if she lived or died. And yet, here was another meal that was filling and good for her. He had even added a small bar of dark chocolate for dessert, and she broke off a piece of it before stowing the remainder in her drawer, deciding that her best course of action would be to try and build a stockpile of snacks and food up, just in case there came a time when John wasn't so magnanimous. She just hoped that that would never come to be, and that she'd find a way to escape before he turned violent once more.


	3. Chapter 3

Erin woke up the next morning to the sound of that blasted door opening once more, removing her supper tray before adding a breakfast tray. The delicious scent of waffles caused her mouth to water and she traipsed over to the door and pulled the tray into her room, smiling to see that there was strawberry syrup included. It was her favorite, and she knew that she should be further unsettled, but she was just grateful to have something comforting and familiar that morning. As she sat on the bed, she looked up at the window, seeing that the day was overcast, which fit her mood perfectly. Yesterday had been a shock, but today seemed to bring about a clarity that she had been missing previously.

Letting out a long breath, she tried not to feel defeated as she poured the syrup over the waffle before eating, but it was hard. Once she'd finished her breakfast, Erin picked out fresh clothes to wear and went into the bathroom, taking care of her needs before stripping off her pyjamas and putting on the skirt and blouse she had chosen. Coming back out into her room minutes later, Erin let out a little squeak of surprise to see that the breakfast tray was gone, and there was a laptop sitting on her bed, plugged into the same socket as her lamp. Hurriedly, she made her way to the bed and sat down, setting the device onto her lap and booting it up.

Erin was unsurprised to find that the WiFi was locked, and she had no idea what the password was to connect to it, but it was still good to have access to a device that might possibly connect her to the outside world if she played her cards right. She just had to pay attention, and when the time was right, she'd be ready. The next thing she did was scroll through the files on the device, surprised to find that there were quite a few movies on the hard drive, along with a library of her favorite music. That, she knew, would be easy for John to discover, since Penelope had explained as much to her. She hadn't understood the technicalities, but she knew that it was a possibility. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Erin started to play her music, setting the laptop aside so that she could curl up in the corner of her bed with her book, wanting to get it finished before lunch.

To her pleasure, she was just finishing up the last page when she heard that blasted door open once more, the delicious scent of soup filling her small room. Setting aside the book, she got off the bed and picked up the tray, seeing that not only was there soup, but also a grilled chicken sandwich. Again, it was a healthy meal, more than what she was accustomed to eating at home. She tried to push that niggling thought that John was building to something to the back of her mind, since she didn't want to allow negative thoughts to weigh her down. Erin knew that she needed to stay focused and positive, to not let whatever evil John had planned get beneath her skin the way his crude cuts had marked her wrist.

"I could really use a table in here, John, even if there's not much room," she muttered, knowing that he had to have microphones set up in her living space, since he had been granting her requests, and that was the only thing that explained how that happened. "Something small to set my food on, so I can feel like a civilized woman. And would it hurt you to give me something to decorate the walls of this hellhole with? It's so bare in here, save for the few pictures that you've left me."

Letting out a little sigh, she finished her meal before bringing the tray over to the door and setting it in its place. Knowing that she had nothing to lose, really, Erin decided to sink down to her knees and peek her head out the little door within her door, in order to see if she could see anything out there. To her dismay, there was only darkness outside, which meant she couldn't make out anything beyond the fact that she was being held in what appeared to be a basement. Which basically confirmed what she had learned from the window high up on the wall that faced the outside. And knowing John, said window faced the back of the property, where no one would think to look for a woman standing on a table, trying to get anyone's attention.

Heading back to the bed, Erin collapsed on it before opening her drawer and grabbing out the deck of cards, setting up a game of clock solitaire and trying to keep her mind occupied with that for a little while. When that failed to keep her attention, Erin picked up the pen and pad of paper, starting to write a letter to her oldest child. Even if she died in this hellhole, she still held onto the hope that maybe one day, someone would discover this place, find her letters, and pass them on to their recipients. It was a faint, dim, hope, but one that she knew she would cling to as the days wore on. She found it decidedly difficult to write with the notebook on her lap, but she made it work, since it was important.

Once that was finished, Erin was surprised to find herself sleepy, since she had gotten a relatively decent amount of sleep the previous evening. Frowning, she set the notebook and pen on top of her nightstand and curled up in the corner of the bed closest to the wall, hugging her pillow to her chest as her eyes started to close heavily. Erin wanted to fight against that feeling, knowing that it wasn't right, but a part of her began to recognize that this was not a natural tiredness, that John had put something in her food to make her want to sleep, and she wondered just what he was up to, to want her passed out and unable to do anything.

It took everything in her to focus on what she heard as the sound of the door opening caught her waning attention. Though she couldn't open her heavy eyes, she could still hear and smell what was going on, and she tried to commit everything to memory before she truly passed out to the world. It seemed, though, that John had decided not to say anything, just in case she wasn't fully knocked out, and she frowned as best she could as she heard two distinctly different footfalls make their way around her room, cluing her in on the fact that John was definitely not working alone. One set of footsteps came close to her bed, and she felt the weight of the laptop being lifted off the mattress before she was covered with her quilt. Again, she could make no sense of why one of her captors was treating her kindly, since it didn't fit in with the image that she had of John in her mind. Still, it was nice to be cared for, she thought, as she finally succumbed to the darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

Erin had been held captive for a week now, and she had slowly grown accustomed to the rhythm that her days had taken on. Though she hadn't received her table that first day she figured out John was drugging her food, that had indeed come later, which helped her to continue writing to her children, to Alex, to David, even to Penelope, though she didn't know what to say to her. Still, there was something right about those letters, as if they were a lifeline keeping her sane. A day after the table arrived, she received a three ring binder, which she used to keep her running letters in, grateful that she had a way to have everything stay neat and tidy. Breakfast was always at seven, lunch was always at noon, and supper was always at six, enforcing the regimented sections of her days. Mornings were used for writing, afternoons for reading, and evenings for watching the movies that she had on the laptop, and it was all beginning to feel entirely too normal.

That evening, seven days since she had woken up in a living nightmare, when she received her supper, there was a collection of flowers alongside her tray, and Erin frowned as she brought everything over to her table as she carefully sat down on her chair. They were cut flowers, which told her that they had come from arrangements or bouquets, and she wondered what had precipitated the nicety. Still, she wanted to eat while the food was warm, knowing that she had all the time in the world to puzzle over where the flowers had come from later. After finishing her meal, Erin picked up an empty water bottle, bringing it into the bathroom and filling it with water before returning and arranging the blooms into something almost cheerful, which caused her to smile. Bringing her creation over to her dresser, she set the bottle down next to the picture of her and David, suddenly missing him fiercely.

By the time she returned back to her table, her heart was low, and she took a few deep breaths as she tried not to cry, slipping the bar of chocolate into her pocket to eat later. With that moved, she found a folded piece of paper beneath it. Frowning a little, she picked the paper up and opened it, seeing a hasty scrawl there before she focused on the words.

_I hope you enjoy these flowers, Erin. They come from the arrangements that were present at your funeral, which was held today. Your children sobbed as your coffin was lowered into the cold ground, and even Alex shed a few tears for you. It was a gorgeous service, you would have been proud of your ex-husband, as he delivered a beautiful eulogy that completely glossed over every single thing that you had done wrong in your life, including the fact that you spent so many months in rehab, only for me to reset your clock. Oh, if you want any alcohol, feel free to ask me for it, and I'll deliver. Otherwise, we'll just stick to water. Sleep well with your death blooms in your room._

Erin shivered as she crumpled the piece of paper into a tight ball and tossed it into the wastebasket before bringing the tray over to the door, setting it there before curling up on the bed. Allowing silence to reign over the room, Erin clutched the stuffed bear that had shown up in her room the previous morning tightly to her chest. She knew that it was one of Tabitha's plushies, and while she had been glad to have a small reminder of her youngest child close at hand, now it just seemed to mock her. "I won't let you see me cry anymore, John. You may think that by toying with me like this, you'll get the upper hand. But I won't break, and I don't need alcohol to get me through these days until I am rescued. And I will be rescued, I just don't know when," she growled out before picking up her laptop and turning it on, wanting to watch something that would take her mind off the fact that she was sharing space with things that had been present for her sham of a funeral.

A small part of her heart wondered if one of those flowers had been from Alex, and she desperately wished that to be true, since she found herself missing her friend more and more. They had been so close to a true and full reconciliation, after all. Letting out a deep breath, she decided to go with a comedy that evening, wanting to find something that would make her smile or laugh. Not that she felt much like laughing in that current moment, but there was always the possibility of it happening. And it might help to take her mind off those ugly words she had just read. Even if it pleased her to know that Alan had managed to say something nice about her in death, when their life together had not ended quite as well. Noticing something new in her media library, she clicked open the folder to see that at some point _Father Ted_ had been added there. The absurdist comedy was precisely what she needed in that moment, and she started the first episode before scooting back on the bed and resting the laptop on her thighs as she watched. Since the episodes were only twenty five minutes long, she was able to get six watched before she started to feel tired, and amazingly enough, Erin found herself starting to feel a little less despondent. She still wanted to escape, but she felt ready to start looking for a way to do so, rather than just sit back complacently as John kept her trapped until he had achieved his goal, whatever it might be.

Letting out a little sigh, Erin powered down the laptop before setting it on her nightstand as she contemplated how she might start fighting back against what John was doing. There wasn't a clear pattern to when he would drug her food, as she thought it had only happened the one time, so far, but she couldn't be entirely certain, since there had been two nights where her sleep had been strangely heavy. Her table had shown up on one of those nights, and it made sense that John would want to make certain that she stayed completely asleep when he brought it into her room. After all, she might be able to get the drop on him if she was awake when he was in her room. Which meant that she would have to figure out how to know when he slipped one of his concoctions into her food.

Taking a deep breath, she got to her feet and padded into the bathroom, intent on taking a quick shower before settling down for the evening. Removing the bandage on her wrist, Erin was pleased to see that the wound there was quickly forming into scar tissue. Though she hated the fact that he had marked her, she was glad that the wound wasn't becoming infected, since that would be a worst case scenario for her, as she didn't know if John would get her the appropriate medical attention should she get ill. Throwing the used bandage in the trash, she stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower, washing the dust of the day off her body. Humming to herself, Erin allowed the steam to hopefully clear out some of the fog that surrounded her mind. Finally, she felt clean enough, and she stepped out of the shower, quickly drying off before pulling on a set of clean pyjamas, dropping her used clothes into the hamper before making her way back to her bed, slipping beneath the covers and taking hold of Tabitha's bear. As she hugged it tightly to her chest, Erin tried to let her thoughts quiet down so that she could get a decent night's sleep. It was the one pleasure that she could hold onto in this current moment of her life, and she would cling to it for as long as she could.


	5. Chapter 5

Erin was just reaching the end of her next book when she heard the food door, as she'd come to call it, creak open. Glancing at her clock, she saw that it wasn't time for lunch, so she frowned a little as she watched the door open fully over the top of her book. To her surprise, a large piece of cake with a candle burning in the top of it was slid inside, and she dogeared her page before tossing the book onto her mattress and getting to her feet to take hold of the plate.

The moment it was in her hands, the food door slammed shut, and she frowned as she brought the treat over to her table and blew out the candle before picking up the card that had been included on the plate. It was a birthday plate, and a quick glance at her calendar told her exactly which day it was, one that she had forgotten in her effort to find a way to escape over the last six weeks. "I am so sorry, Brucie. I completely forgot that it was close to your birthday," she whispered, her lower lip quivering a little as she pulled out the candle from the cake, setting it on the plate before picking up the fork and starting to eat. Erin wasn't surprised to find that the cake was Bruce's favorite, since that was par for the course with John. Still, she was beginning to wonder just how he knew so much about the things her family loved so much, as that wasn't something easily found out. Unless John had managed to befriend Alan or one of her children. He had changed so much over the years, that Erin was certain her ex-husband wouldn't recognize John if he saw him on the street.

Trying to push the intrusive thoughts from her mind, Erin instead focused on the taste of the cake, imagining that somewhere out there, Bruce was also enjoying his own birthday cake. This was a milestone year for him, and she had been looking forward to going out and getting him a good used car to learn how to drive. This was the first big milestone of his that she would miss, though Karen's was the next milestone she'd miss, as her senior pictures were scheduled to be taken in August, and she wouldn't be there to help her get ready for them, to find the perfect places that would show off how gorgeous her oldest child was.

As she slowly finished the slice of cake, Erin found herself crying quietly, thinking about all the things she was starting to miss in her children's lives. A part of her knew that if she allowed herself to wallow in her sorrow, she would never be able to pull herself out of that pit of despair and that would affect her ability to try and find a way out of this situation. Finishing up the cake, Erin picked up the new picture of Bruce that had been stuffed in the card and smiled sadly. Bruce looked sad, but so handsome, and Erin brushed her thumb against his face as she brought it over to her dresser, placing it against the frames so that it stood amidst the other photographs. It was torture to have new pictures, since it reminded her of all that she was missing in her children's lives, but it was a sweet torture, since she was able to see them in the present moment.

"I hope you enjoyed the picture of your son, Erin."

She whirled around at the sound of John's voice, seeing that the food door was open once more. "You know that I do. But it would be even better if I could hold him. You're in control, you can let me go at any time that you want."

"Oh, but that's not what we want, Erin. We want to break you down, make you suffer, for everything that you did over the years, to me and to others in the BAU. Your list of sins is so very long, long enough to match that symbol I carved on your wrist, but we think that we can make you pay, more or less, while you're here. Is there anything else that you want? It is so easy to give you physical things, since we both know that physical pleasures cannot begin to make up for human contact."

"I want my knitting. Since it appears that you have access to my belongings, it shouldn't be difficult for you to get ahold of the project that I was in the middle of. There's not room to keep my entire stash in this room, but my pattern books and current project would be a good start."

"And I win that particular bet. Thank you for making me ten thousand dollars richer. I knew that you'd hold out for that, my partner swore you'd ask for that in week two. You are made of sterner stuff than we were all aware of. I'll see you at supper."

Before she could say another word, the food door slammed closed, and she was left alone once more. Shivering, she collapsed back onto her bed before glancing at her book. There was no way that she could even begin to focus on the words contained there, even though she had wanted to finish it that afternoon. Instead, Erin stretched out on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as she allowed her mind to race with the new information she had received. Blindly reaching out for her nightstand, Erin opened the drawer and pulled out her notebook and pen, jotting down the scant details that John had let slip while they had been talking.

"So, you have a partner, and it's clearly someone who either works or worked at the BAU. They despise me just as much as you do, which doesn't narrow down the candidates all that much, since I have treated a good number of people quite poorly, especially at the beginning of my career. I suppose that you could be working with Jason, since we did not part on the best of terms, and he would be one for playing the long game to get back at me for the trials I put him and Aaron through over the years. And since I'm almost certain that Doctor Reid talks to him, it would be nothing to for him to ask the young man for details about the current BAU." Her words were slow in coming as she scribbled down the nest of thoughts that currently occupied her mind. Still, it felt like the idea of Jason being John's partner was a puzzle piece that didn't quite fit in the picture that she had of the men. Still, there were stranger things in the world, and she knew that she had to stay open to every possibility that was out there, since it would help her to build a better escape plan. Especially now that she would have access to her knitting. Because she could surreptitiously ask John to make certain that her projects reached the right hands, even if she wouldn't know that he had done so. It was still a small hope for her, but small slivers of hope were all that she had to hold onto for the moment.


	6. Chapter 6

Erin found herself fighting to wake up from her sleep a few days later, and automatically knew that John had slipped her another drugged food item. Which also meant that there would be something new about her room, and she wondered what that might be. Sitting up with a stretch, she tried to work the lingering feeling of the drug out of her system as she turned on her bedside lamp and then got out of bed. At first, she didn't see anything different, but a glance at the foot of her bed revealed what had been added. "Finally," she muttered, going over to the wicker trunk and opening the lid, relieved to find her ongoing projects inside, along with her needle case and a small bit of her stash. A small frown crossed her lips when she didn't see her patterns inside, and she went over to her dresser, pulling out fresh clothes before heading into the bathroom and taking a quick shower as she tried to work out just what John was playing at.

By the time she was finished washing, Erin felt more frustrated then before, and she almost angrily dried her body off before pulling her clothes on and stomping out into her room, rolling her eyes when she saw that her food tray was already resting on the open door. "Typical," she said as she picked up the tray and brought it over to her table. As she ate, Erin tried to remember how the pattern went for the project she was almost finished with, growing more and more upset when she realized that it had been too long since she had worked on it, and couldn't remember the order of the odd rows. Once she had choked down the last bite of scrambled eggs, she brought the tray back to the food door and slammed the tray down there before heading over to the bookcase and trying to find a new book to read, since she had finished her previous one yesterday. That was when she noticed her pattern binders were on the top shelf, arranged like they had been in her house, and a part of her felt close to crying as she grabbed the one she need and brought it over to the bed before taking out the nearly finished project and settling down to work on it.

The hours passed quickly, as she focused in on her scarf, the intricate lace pattern helping to clear her mind of the frustration she had felt earlier. It came as a shock, then, when she heard the food door open, informing her that it was time for lunch. "I see that you're already enjoying the fact that I brought you what you requested. I wasn't certain about allowing you sharp objects, but seeing as though you don't have anyone to stab but yourself, I decided to allow it."

"You're too generous, John. Really, how can I ever thank you enough?" she asked, hoping that he could hear the sarcasm dripping off her every word.

"Oh, you're doing just that by fighting back and trying to find a way to escape. Because as long as you keep fighting against the inevitable, I just feel more and more in control. Soon, you'll realise that, and your spirit will start to break, little by little. That will be most delicious to watch. Is there anything else that I can get you, to help prolong this sweet torture for you?"

"News of the outside world. Information about my children."

"I don't think you're quite ready for that, but I can give you a hint of what's happening with your precious David. Do you want to hear it? Or do you want me to leave you so that you can eat in peace?"

"Tell me," she growled as she picked up her tray and carefully sat down on the floor, finding the concrete freezing beneath the thin carpet there. "And you can bring me a few rugs for the room, especially as we head towards autumn."

"We'll see. No one told you to sit on the floor. You could have sat on the bed."

"I don't want to miss a word, John."

There was a slight pause before he cleared his throat. "Now, you wanted to hear about David. He's already starting to move on through his grief. That annoying technical analyst has been quite attentive to his needs when he's home. I have to admit that that has surprised me quite a bit, as she is most definitely not his type. She's far too young for him."

"Penelope is a lovely young woman, and she has a heart larger than her body. I'm certain that she's comforting him as best she can, because she did the same thing for Agent Jareau when she thought that Agent Prentiss was dead. She did the same thing for Aaron when Haley was murdered. Don't you dare try to besmirch her name and make me jealous of an insanely good woman. A far better woman than I will ever be."

The vehemence of her protestations seemed to take both of them aback, as John fell silent for a few long seconds after her outburst. "Your faith in both of them is amazing. Especially after you didn't defend Alex or myself with that same fervor."

"I was younger then, I had more to lose. Now, you have me locked up in here, with no way to escape, so I can be as brash as I want. Do you have anything else to say to me?"

"Not at the moment. Enjoy the rest of your meal, Erin."

He picked up her breakfast tray and slammed the door closed, and she smirked a little to know that she had managed to get beneath his skin, even in a tiny way. When she had finished her lunch, Erin pushed open the food door once more before setting down her tray. Brushing her hands off on her skirt, she went back to the bed and got back to work on her scarf, finding something so soothing in the repetitive movements. This was going to be for Alex, somehow, and she tried to pour every good thought and wish that she could into the rest of the stitches that she worked through to the end of the scarf. After binding off, Erin delicately folded the completed project and then brought it over to the bookcase, setting it near Alex's picture before grabbing a new book and heading back to her bed. It was so easy to snuggle into her corner as she covered her legs with her quilt, but she didn't want to get too comfortable, since she didn't want to fall asleep again so soon, and that was likely to happen given the lassitude that was filling her bones. A part of her wondered if John had decided to doctor her lunch, too, for some reason, or if she was just going through a moment of ennui brought about by her continued confinement. Finding her eyes crossing at the sight of the words on the page, Erin decided to give up on reading and picked up her laptop.

There was a new folder on the desktop, and she frowned as she clicked on it, not expecting to see brand new pictures of her children there. That also helped explain why John had drugged her the previous night, since he had to put them there. She broke down crying when she saw Tabitha being pushed in the tire swing at David's cabin, seeing the tentative joy on her face. It wasn't something that she had expected to see so soon, but she was glad that her children could find a way to move forward, even if it was without her. Picking up the stuffed teddy bear, she hugged it tightly to her chest as she continued to weep and gaze at the pictures she'd been provided, trying to be grateful for this small glimpse at them and missing them all the more.


	7. Chapter 7

Erin frowned when she stepped out of the shower a few mornings after finishing the scarf for Alex. She had already started a new project, this time for Penelope, and she had been thinking about how she would block the shawl when it was finished, since she didn't have those supplies yet. She supposed that she would have to beg John for them, since that had always been par for the course with him and her incarceration. But that wasn't what was occupying her thoughts that morning. Instead, it was the fact that she couldn't smell breakfast, as she usually could when she finished washing.

Drying off as quickly as she could, Erin dressed hurriedly before heading out into her room and looking over at the door. There was nothing there waiting for her, and she tried not to panic as she went over and opened it, peeking her head through as best she could to see if John was coming with her morning tray, but there was no sign of anyone in the hall, or at least no one that she could see. Looking down towards the floor, she saw a shadow of a basket, and her frown deepened as she contorted her body so that she could fit her arm through the food door in order to grab at the handle.

Slowly, she pulled it upwards, finding the movement awkward, given that she couldn't move in the way she wanted in order to easily bring it into her room. Inside the basket was a box of Poptarts, a box of granola bars, and a good number of her favorite candy bars. This made her even more uneasy, since she got the feeling that John wasn't going to make an appearance that entire day. Sighing, she brought the basket over to the table and set it there as she took out the boxes of food that she'd been left, finally finding an envelope with her name on it near the bottom. Sighing, she picked it up and broke the seal, pulling out the single sheet of paper contained within.

_If you're reading this, you figured out how to bring the basket int your room. And I'm certain that you're smart enough to realise that this means that I'll be gone for a little while. I was called away on business, so you'll be on your own for the rest of the week, and part of next. I know that you hoard some of the wrapped food I've provided, and this will add to that store until I return. Just, make certain that you ration what I've provided very carefully. I'd hate for my plans to be for naught, after all. Oh, and don't freak out about your scarf being gone. While I won't deliver the letter that you wrote to our dear Alex, I will make certain that it ends up in her mailbox. Until I'm back, do your best to keep on living. Because this existence of yours is such sweet torture for you and me._

Even John's words were smarmy, and she shuddered a little as she set the letter aside before opening the box of granola bars and taking out a package. She didn't know if there would be enough food in the basket, even combined with what she'd managed to hold back, to keep her adequately fed for five days, but she knew that she would somehow make it work. It might just take some creative thinking on her part. When she'd finished her meager meal, Erin got up and washed her hands before filling her water bottle and heading back to the table, neatly stacking everything back in the basket before grabbing out her pad of paper and a pen, picking up on another letter to Alex.

It was hard to remain falsely optimistic in this letter, since she felt her hopes plummet at the knowledge that she was completely alone. If there was a fire, she would die down there, with no one the wiser that someone was being held captive. It was a horrible thought, and she shuddered a little as she tried to keep from crying as she wrote. Finally, she felt like she had actually managed to get her thoughts down on paper, and then she was carefully removing the letter from the notebook and placing it inside the folder that she had started for Alex. A part of her wanted to write to David, but she was unable to find the words to say to him. Letting out a frustrated breath, she instead closed the notebook, leaving it on the table, since she knew that John wouldn't be interrupting her days for the rest of the week and so he wouldn't snoop to see what she had written. Pushing herself to stand up, Erin went over to her project chest and pulled out one of the easier projects that she had on needles, knowing that she needed something to take her focus off the fact that she wouldn't have any contact with anyone for a while. And while she knew that Stockholm Syndrome was a bullshit theory based off shoddy police work, a part of her still acknowledged the fact that she had all too quickly grown accustomed to interacting with John in this hellhole he was keeping her in.

Try as she might, Erin had to give up working on even that simple project as she was crying too hard to keep even simple knit and purl stitches looking good. An exasperated breath expelled from her mouth as she tossed the project onto the table and shoved herself into the corner of her bed, pulling the quilt over her legs before setting the laptop on her thighs and hugging Tabitha's plushie to her chest with one hand as she turned the laptop on and waited for it to be ready to use. As usual, the first thing she did was check to see if there were any open WiFi connections, and a strangled gasp caught in her throat when she saw that there was an unlocked connection.

Her hand shook badly as she maneuvered the mouse over to the connection and clicked on it, hardly daring to draw in breaths as she waited to be denied access to the outside world. "Well, fuck," she murmured when she connected, and Erin hugged Tabitha's plushie all the tighter to her chest as she tried not to get too excited about having access to the internet. Still, it was hard for her to open the browser that was on the desktop, and as she waited for it to load, she wondered if she would even be able to access any websites. John was brilliant, and this would be a brilliant powerplay for him – to give her a glimpse of hope, only to have it cruelly snatched away. Through each denial, her spirit waned, until she finally found out that she was able to watch YouTube. Clicking a random video on the home screen, Erin let the personality speak as she tried to see if she could leave a comment. Erin's shoulders dropped in resignation when she saw that she'd have to sign in to do so, but she didn't have an account, and to make one, she'd have to have access to her email, which was one of the blocked websites. So while she could take information in, she couldn't reach out to make a connection, and the feeling of defeat threatened to overwhelm her once more. It would be nice to listen to voices other than her own, and to find out current events, but she still wanted to be able to somehow get word out there that she was alive. It was a problem that she knew she would somehow overcome, even if she didn't know how, so long as she kept her access to the internet. She had to keep hold of that thin thread of hope for as long as she could, or else she knew that John would win, and she would never allow that. Because she was going to live and thrive, and see John buried in the ground, just like she supposedly was, and then she would move on with her life. The life she was always meant to have, with her David.


	8. Chapter 8

"Did you enjoy your little vacation from me?"

Erin looked up from her book to see that the food door was open. It had been six days since that had happened, and she was getting down to the last of her food reserves, so she was unsurprised that she felt grateful for his appearance. Her stomach grumbled loudly when she finally drew in the delicious scent of a hearty soup. "It was peaceful, yes, John. I managed to finish the project I was working on for Penelope, so you'll have to find a way to deliver that."

"Of course. Anonymously, of course. Just like Alex's was. It's good that you're being so productive, but I'm surprised that you haven't made anything for your children yet."

She knew that John was mocking her, and she placed a bookmark in her place before getting off the bed and going over to the food door, grabbing the tray with her bread bowl of soup, along with a rather large chocolate cupcake. "I haven't made anything for them yet because then they would know that I'm alive, and you don't want that."

"The likelihood of them figuring out that you're alive from one piece of knitting is slim to none. It's not like you have invented any new stitches. And one knitted garment looks like any other. So go ahead and knit something for your spawn. Give them something to unknowingly remember you by."

Erin rolled her eyes a little as she set the tray down on the table before picking up the shawl for Penelope and handing it through the door. John's fingers brushed the back of her hand, and it was in that moment that Erin realized how touch starved she was, because she wanted to reach out and grab hold of that hand, even though it belonged to her nemesis. Jerking her arm back through the hole, she listened to John as he let out that sinister laugh she had last heard on the streets of New York. "Did you need anything else, John?" she asked, not wanting to let him think that he had the upper hand.

"No. I'll be back later with supper for you. And maybe some news on your precious David. Enjoy your meal." He slammed shut the door, and Erin let out a long breath as she made her way over to her table and took a seat, picking up the spoon and digging into the hearty beef barley soup contained in there.

She tried to pace herself, knowing that she'd make herself sick if she ate too fast, but her stomach seemed to win out. Still, she took her time picking apart the bread bowl, finding herself full by the time she was finished with that. Deciding to save the cupcake for later, Erin brought the empty tray back over to the food door and set that on the shelf before going back to the bed and picking up her book once more, easily losing herself in the story. Since she had access to YouTube, Erin decided to allow a playlist of classical music autoplay while she read, finding herself starting to hum beneath her breath to a Mahler piece randomly started. Erin found peace in the music and the story, and her mind wandered to the fact that the symphony was going to start soon, and she wouldn't be there for the opening night gala. A choked sob welled up in her throat unbidden, and Erin pursed her lips together in an effort to stem the flow of tears. Wiping beneath her eyes with the knuckle of her pointer finger, Erin took a few deep breaths in order to calm her the emotions roiling through her mind like waves on a stormy sea. "You are going to be fine, Erin," she murmured as she turned the page on her book, trying to push away the idea of missing out on yet another thing that brought her joy. "And maybe David will be home for the gala and go in your place. Even if he hates those things."

Blinking slowly, Erin refocused on the page in front of her eyes, managing to finish her chapter before declaring it a lost cause. Shoving the bookmark firmly in place, she set the book next to her as she got up and began to pace the perimeter of her room in an effort to work out some of the pent up energy. Still, the music played on, and Erin felt like she was going to burst open in a torrent of tears and sorrow. Finally, she felt a little more calm, and she knelt in front of her project trunk, pulling out fresh yarn and needles before opening her project binder and turning to the one pattern she knew would take her quite some time to finish. It was something that Bruce had begged her to make for him, and she had never gotten around to it, telling him that she just didn't have the time to work on it while she was also working. Now she had all the time in the world, though, and it would also be a clue that she was still alive, since this was the yarn he had picked out for the project and it was the pattern that he had wanted made.

As she cast on the correct amount of stitches for the back of the sweater, Erin thought about how shortsighted John was being, his unyielding pride assuming that she was being daft in her reply to him about her children knowing her knitting. And while it might take her a month or two to finish this project, it would be ready in time for Christmas, and maybe, just maybe, she'd receive a miracle that night, too, like had happened so many years ago in Bethlehem. Erin rolled her eyes again, this time at herself for the hyperbolic, maudlin, thought that had seriously just ran through her mind. "You are entirely too ridiculous, Erin Strauss," she muttered as she recounted her stitches, making certain that she had the correct amount there before starting her least favorite part of knitting, the two by two rib. Still, that was what the pattern called for, and she knew that it would make for a good hem on the sweater. Losing herself in the steady, boring, work, she allowed her mind to focus on the music, letting it wash across her brain as her fingers worked.

By the time John showed up with her supper, Erin was just about to start in on the pattern part of the back, so it was a good place to pause for the evening. "I see that you have started a new project. Awfully small to be a blanket."

"It's the beginning of a sweater, actually. Since you want me to make something for my children, I decided to start with this for my son."

"Ah, how lovely. It is always so heartening when you listen to me. If you had done more of that when we were working together, perhaps all of this could have been avoided. Enjoy your supper, and don't worry, I have no need to drug your sleep tonight."

"How….?" she started to ask as she grabbed her tray , but John closed the door before she could formulate more of her question, and she frowned deeply as she brought the food over to her table, sitting heavily to eat as she tried to formulate what her next plan of attack would be, since it was clear that in this case, John was still two steps ahead of her.


	9. Chapter 9

Erin felt like she had been making good progress on Bruce's sweater, as in the space of two weeks, she had completed the back and was a quarter of the way finished with the front. There was something extremely therapeutic about the progress she was making, and while she was already mourning the fact that she wouldn't be able to see Bruce's face when he received the sweater, there was still a faint flicker of hope burning in her chest at the thought of this clue that she would be sending to her family, and right under John's nose. Still, her hands were starting to hurt a little, and she set aside the project for the day before getting to her feet and cracking her back before walking around the perimeter of her room in order to get some blood flowing in her legs.

"John, I need a way to exercise. There's not room for a machine in here. I don't know how you'll solve that, but I'm certain you'll come up with a solution." Heading into the bathroom, she quickly peed and then washed her hands before taking a look at her reflection in the mirror. Since she couldn't get to her hair salon, her roots were starting to darken a little, along with silver strands making their appearance. Erin thought that it made her look older, but she wondered if David would feel the same way. That would be her second order of business, when she escaped this nightmare, getting her hair back to the state that she preferred it.

Turning, she made her way out of the bathroom, only to find the food door open, and a yoga mat sitting on the shelf where her meals usually resided. Laughing darkly, Erin picked up the thin mat and propped it up next to her dresser. She supposed that she could look up yoga routines on her laptop, since it appeared that her access to the internet would not be cut off. That still didn't stop her from trying to find ways around the blocks that John had in place, but she still hadn't broken through yet. Plopping down onto the bed, Erin picked up said laptop and began to look up beginner yoga routines, hoping that there would be something easy to start out with. There were quite a few different ones, so she settled on a face that looked friendly to her and queued it up for the next morning, knowing that she didn't feel up to starting something new at the end of her day.

Picking up her book, Erin maneuvered herself into the corner, like she normally did, settling in to read as she waited for John to deliver her supper. She found her thoughts divided, however, as she kept thinking about the taunts that John levelled at her each day, now. He couldn't help but needle her about the fact that David and Penelope were growing closer, that he had been seen spending more time with Ashley Seaver outside the office, that he had been on a few dates with Aaron's sister in law. She knew that they were meant to hurt her, and she hated to admit that he was right. Sighing, she set aside the book and grabbed her notebook and pen, deciding to doodle for a little bit to clear her mind.

Finally, Erin felt like she had excised her excess negative thoughts, and she tossed the notebook back on her nightstand before picking up the book and finding herself more able to focus on the words written there. "Supper has arrived!"

She closed the book with a dull thud and placed it on top of her notebook before making her way over to the food door. "Yoga, John? Really?"

"As you said, there's not much room in there for a lot of equipment. If you want, I can get you some weights to use as well. And I'm certain that you can find some no equipment exercise routines on the internet. Which you've never thanked me for allowing you to use. I could cut off access again."

"Why? It's not like I can reach out to anyone, since you've blocked all forms of social media from my access. But thank you for what little I have." He chuckled darkly as she took the tray off the shelf. "How are my children?"

"They're doing well. Speaking of your children, I have a package for you. I hope you enjoy everything you see. I feel like my photography skills are only getting better over the months." A heavy thump sounded on the shelf before the food door slammed shut, and Erin frowned as she brought the tray over to the table to set it down before picking up the thick manila envelope and carrying it over to her table. As she ate, she found her eyes darting over to the envelope many times, anticipation filling her senses. Still, she forced herself to finish her meal, knowing that she'd have the entire evening to pore over the photographs. Once she was finished, Erin brought the tray over to the door and set it on the shelf before changing into her pyjamas, knowing that she wouldn't be getting out of bed for the rest of the night, as she'd be too engrossed in the pictures to care about changing later.

After picking up the envelope, Erin curled up on her bed, drawing her quilt up around her waist as she leaned towards the light in order to study the pictures at length, drawing in every detail that she could possibly see. The first few were from Tabitha's equestrian exhibition, and Erin sighed happily to see how beautiful her baby looked in her uniform, seated so well on her horse. The action shots that John had managed to capture were beautiful, and far better than any she had managed to take over the years. Flipping to the next picture, she gasped in pleasure before hugging the picture close to her chest. Somehow, John had managed to capture a picture of her daughter leaning forward on her horse, an expression of pure joy on her face, and Erin felt lifted in her spirits to see that expression there. Knowing that she would have to leave that picture out, Erin set it on the nightstand before going through the next few pictures a little quicker, wondering if there were any other hidden gems contained in the photographs that John had taken.

Erin's mood immediately took a nosedive when she looked at the next picture. There, in full color, was exactly what John had been taunting her with for weeks. An image of David, kissing Penelope, confronted her eyes, and she immediately burst into tears. She hadn't wanted to believe that he had been telling her the truth about David, but this was undeniable proof that there was something growing between David and Penelope. She had never thought that she would feel her heart shatter, since when she had ended things with Alan, it had been a clean break, they had hurt each other too much over the end of their marriage to ever be saddened by separation. This picture, though, plunged a knife into the last vestiges of her hopes and dreams of returning to a normal life when she escaped her prison. Unable to look at any more of the provided pictures, Erin indelicately tossed them onto her nightstand, before crumpling up the hated picture and throwing it across the room as hard as she could before curling up into a tight ball and sobbing herself to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Erin slept through her alarm the next morning, and it took John screaming her name to pull her out of her slumber. Groaning, she sat up and allowed the quilt to pool around her waist, her eyes still aching from all the tears she had cried the previous evening. Glancing towards the door, it took her a few moments to recognize that he was just exiting from her room, and her body moved too slowly to get out of bed and run over to the door before it closed with a finality that hurt her heart. Slumping back against the headboard, she began to cry once more, feeling completely defeated in the harsh light of day. Still, she knew that she couldn't give in to that despair, since it would overwhelm her. She needed to regroup and refocus, to find a new way to view her escape.

A part of her heart had to wonder, in the cold light of day, if John had manipulated the situation between Penelope and David. Anything was possible with that man, he hated her so, and he loved to see her break down, to give in to despair, and so there was a good chance that he had caught Penelope comforting David. The woman was exuberantly effusive in her affection, and could very well have been showing David how much she cared. She had seen her kiss Agent Morgan in a private moment during the bank heist, after all, and there hadn't been anything remotely sexual about the embrace. However, if someone had taken a picture of them in that moment, they might paint quite a different story. With that thought in mind, Erin got up and stretched, heading to the table where John had laid out her breakfast. There was a letter waiting for her, and Erin frowned as she set that aside so that she could focus on eating, wanting to keep up her strength so that she could find a way out and get the answers that she wanted.

Erin was a little perturbed to find that John had made her favourite breakfast, and she let out a deep breath of frustration as she dug into the ham and cheese omelette. Since it was so large, she quickly found herself getting full, but she didn't want to let the food go to waste, so she tried to eat as much as she possibly could before giving in and pushing the plate away from her in order to pick up the letter. She grimaced a little at the way John had elegantly written her name on the front of the envelope, as if he seriously thought he was wooing her. Pulling out the sheet of paper, Erin took another deep breath before unfolding the paper to see what he had written to her.

_As you can see, Erin, I wasn't lying when I said that David is starting to move on with Penelope. And yes, I did choose the cruelest way I could think of to let you know that. I thought it would be a delicious sort of revenge to have your joy stolen from you in the blink of an eye. I just wish that I had thought to record the moment, though seeing it live was just as wickedly satisfying. I'll keep you abreast on any further developments in that area, because I am quite certain that you'll want to know. Oh, and you should really check out your picture frames when you finish eating. I think that you will be pleasantly surprised._

Rolling her eyes a little at his closing line, Erin folded the paper once more and stuffed it back in the envelope, deciding to hold on to it, just in case. Getting to her feet, Erin picked out a fresh outfit for the day before bringing the empty tray over the door and setting it on the shelf before heading into the bathroom and hurriedly showering, knowing that she had lost precious knitting time by sleeping in that morning. Once she was dry and dressed, Erin went into her room and before starting work on the sweater once more, did as John had suggested and took a look at her pictures. There was a new frame there, and she looked, closely, it was the shot of Tabitha that she had fallen in love with. The spot of kindness after the cruelty of his letter was both a balm to her battered heart and a sharp reminder that she couldn't begin to trust him. Everything could be suspect, and she took a few deep breaths as she pulled out the sweater and set to work on finishing the front.

Erin knew that there was too much to complete that day, but she wanted to make as much progress as she could, since the days were quickly moving towards Christmas, and if she knitted fast enough, she might just be able to make something for Tabitha and Karen as well. Letting out a little breath of frustration, she made herself comfortable on the bed before beginning to knit. She soon lost herself in the pattern, the complicated cables taking her mind off the fact that she was missing David something fierce that morning and trying to come to terms with the fact that he was moving on. As her hands worked, she began to sing. It seemed natural to sing the lullabies that she had once soothed her children with, and Erin found her stitches falling into line with the rhythm of the song.

Once more, Erin became so focused in her work that she didn't hear the food door open until she heard John address her. "Your food is here when you're ready to eat, Erin. I must say that it was nice to be serenaded on my way here. It's just too bad that no one else will ever hear that voice again."

Erin finished her pattern set before capping the ends of her needles and setting her project aside. "I have good reason to doubt that that will be true, John. Someday, I am going to be able to sing to my babies again, and you will just be a faint memory of a very rough time in my life."

"Ah, such optimism, Erin. It's just too bad that you'll never be free from me. That scar on your wrist proves that quite well." Before Erin could form a proper rebuttal to that, John had closed the door, and she let out a huff of breath before making her way over to the tray. Again, he had made another of her favorites, and she slumped in her seat as she set the tray on the table and began to eat. While she was doing that, Erin began to look through the rest of the pictures that John had given her. There were more of her children, and she smiled to see Karen and Bruce cheering their sister on at her competition. She was just about to start crying when she turned to the next picture and gasped. This time, it wasn't of David and Penelope, but rather Alex. To her surprise, the woman was also at Tabitha's riding competition, and she smiled to see how Alex grinned at her children. Turning that picture over revealed one of all four of them smiling at someone, the relaxed smile on Alex's face telling Erin that whoever they were looking at, whoever had taken this snapshot, it was not John. And she couldn't help but wonder just how John had gotten his hands on the picture, along with wondering who had taken it.


	11. Chapter 11

"I need another quilt, John. It's starting to get cold."

That was the understatement of the year, as it was almost the second week of November, and Erin was just finishing up the collar on Bruce's sweater before she moved on to a cardigan for Tabitha. Again, she knew exactly which pattern she'd use, and what yarn she'd pull out from her stash, since John had brought more into her room without her even asking for it. She tried to ignore the fact that she had been in his prison for nearly six months, but as it came closer and closer to Christmas, she started to feel a little more defeated. "I'll see what I can do. I'll be gone for a while again, would you like me to provide you with anything in particular this time?"

"An electric kettle and some tea bags would be nice. It's cold in the mornings now. And if you're going to be gone, instant oatmeal would be nice. I need healthy options, John. Not just fast ones."

"Again, I'll see what I can do." Before she could say anything more, he had closed the food door, and Erin let out a disconsolate sigh. She hated the fact that she was becoming so dependent on these short connections with John, since that meant he was breaking her spirit down more and more. Blinking back a quick flood of tears, Erin grabbed her lunch and sat at the table, picking at the food. It was delicious, but did nothing to satiate the hunger that she felt deep in her soul. Rather than flip through pictures as she ate, Erin doodled on a spare sheet of paper, needing something mindless to take her thoughts off what she was feeling.

Finding herself full before the food was finished, Erin got up from the table and washed her hands before coming back to the bed and picking up the sweater once more, knowing that she was so close to the end. When she finally bound off the last round, Erin felt a sense of accomplishment as she shook out the sweater, seeing that it looked practically perfect. She just hoped that Bruce would be able to know that she was the one who made it, since there was no way that she could sew in a patch like she would have had this been a normal situation. Folding the garment carefully, Erin brought it over to her dresser and set it next to his picture, smiling at her son before heading back to the bed and casting on the next project. Her hands hurt a little too much to truly start on the next project, so she put everything back before grabbing her laptop and starting to watch the next episode of _Darkest Minds_. She didn't know why she was finding herself so engrossed in a television program that got so much wrong about her line of work, but there was something extremely compelling about seeing an all female team of profilers take down unsubs while looking perfectly coiffed and in heels. Even she had known enough to wear flats when out in the field.

It was easy to burn through two episodes, and just as the second was ending, John returned with her supper. "Are you not feeling well?" he asked as he set the supper tray on the shelf, and Erin shrugged a little as she got to her feet and went over to the door. "Erin?"

"I think it's just a spot of ennui. In time, I'll be fine. It would be better if I could talk to my children. But I know that you won't let that happen, since I have to suffer. But haven't I suffered enough? Don't I deserve some sort of relief, if only for a moment before you kill me?" She didn't know why she had lost her control over her words, but they just seemed to tumble out before she could call them back.

"Well, you could always hope for a Christmas miracle. Just leave both trays on the shelf when you're finished. I'm almost a little disappointed in the fact that it's only taken me six months to get beneath your skin like this. I always assumed that you'd hold out a little longer."

Before she could protest that he hadn't broken her, that she was just having a low moment, the door closed and she was alone once more. Letting out a disconsolate sigh, Erin picked up the tray and trudged over to the table. She wasn't hungry, but she forced herself to choke down as much of the meal as she could, knowing that she had to keep up her strength. A sad smile curved her lips upwards when she saw that John had placed three of her favorite chocolate bars on the evening tray, and she placed them in her nightstand drawer before bringing the trays to the door and then tripping into the bathroom, deciding to just wear last night's pyjamas instead of grabbing out fresh.

After changing, Erin made her way over to the bed and collapsed on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to find her centre once more. She should be joyous over the fact that she had completed Bruce's sweater in such a short amount of time, especially given the complexity of the pattern, but she still felt flat. The rational side of her mind knew that that was a result of being cooped up for so long with only John as her means of contact. Letting out a few deep sighs, Erin turned onto her side and woke up the laptop, deciding that she needed something different to take her mind off where her heart was leading her. Scrolling through the media, Erin frowned a little to see a file labelled Tabitha, and she hurriedly clicked on it to open the file.

What she saw broke her heart in the best way, and she stifled a sob as she realized that at some point, John had recorded Tabitha's latest equestrian competition, and it was bittersweet to see her baby girl ride so elegantly. Reaching out, she brushed her fingertips against her daughter's face and let out a sigh before finishing the movie. It was clear that her daughter had done quite well, and she wasn't surprised when it appeared that she took first place, the large ribbon looking so stunning on her mare's bridle. "Oh, darling girl, I cannot wait until I am free of this lace and can come watch you win in person. This makes two competitions that I've missed, and God only knows how many more it will be, but I promise you that I will find a way to see you in person once more, and I won't give up until I make that happen." Closing the video player, she went to YouTube and began to listen to a Bach playlist as she tried to read more in her book, knowing that her sleep schedule would be completely thrown off if she went to sleep that early. Thankfully, it was an interesting book, though she knew that Karen would tease her about reading esoteric history books when she could be reading something a lot lighter that would take her mind off her situation. That wasn't what she was in the mood for, however, and she found her attention able to focus in on the minutiae better than if she was reading something frothy. There was a time for everything, after all, and now was the time for _The Hollow Crown_.


	12. Chapter 12

True to his word, John was gone the next day, though he had left her a hot breakfast along with a note explaining that he would be absent from her presence for the next two weeks. Frowning, she took a look around her room and didn't notice anything that would indicate she had extra food reserves. Picking up the tray, she went over to her table and ate slowly, sipping at the orange juice to try and make the meal last as long as possible, since she didn't know how she was going to make her small stash of six chocolate bars last for fourteen days. But she was never more grateful then to have access to running water, since that meant she wouldn't die. She'd just be extremely hungry and weak when John returned.

After cleaning her plate, Erin brought the tray over to the door, even though she knew that John wouldn't be there to collect it. She had just fallen into the habit and was loathe to break it now. Hoping against hope, she pushed open the food door and looked out of it. Erin burst into relieved tears to see that there were supplies waiting for her out there, this time stacked on something so that she could more easily reach what he had left for her. A groan of pleasure escaped her lips to see that he had listened to her and brought an electric kettle for her to use. That was the first thing that she pulled into her room, hurrying over to her dresser and plugging it in before filling the reservoir with water, so that she could be ready to make herself some tea as soon as she found the teabags.

With that taken care of, she began to bring the other things in, grateful that John had put them in baskets that would fit through the door so that she didn't have to pull them in box by box. The last thing she brought into her room was another of her quilts, and she sighed a little as she buried her face in the fabric folds, breathing in the comforting scent of her home, the place that she missed more than anything. With another disconsolate sigh, Erin spread the quilt out on her bed before heading into the bathroom and taking a short shower. When she felt human once more, Erin stepped into her room and started the water to warm up while she went through what John had left her. There were enough instant oatmeal cups to last her the entire time John was gone, in different flavors, as if he didn't know what she'd prefer. Two jars of peanut butter along with two loaves of brown bread were also included, though she didn't know how fresh the bread would remain. Again, there were granola bars and Poptarts, which she knew she would eat sparingly, using as a last resort.

She was surprised to find cans of fruit included this time, and a small smile crossed her lips to see that there were two cans of cinnamon pears, which were her favorite, and she vowed to save them for towards the end of the fortnight. After getting everything sorted, Erin made her way to the bed and took a seat, picking up the start of Tabitha's cardigan and getting down to work. It was only when her stomach groaned loudly that she realized she had knitted through the entire morning. Setting the project aside, Erin went over to her supplies and made a quick sandwich before opening a can of peaches and quickly eating while nursing a fresh cup of rose tea. When she had finished eating, Erin washed her hands before making a new cup of tea and then getting back to work on Tabitha's cardigan. Even though this was a new to her pattern, it was much easier than the sweater she had made for Bruce, and by the time her stomach reminded her it was time for supper, she was almost halfway finished. A sense of accomplishment filled her heart as she ate, and then she was curling up on bed and watching more episodes of _Dangerous Minds_ as she tried to unwind for the day.

It was weird to not have spoken with anyone that day, but Erin knew that it would only get harder as the days passed. She hadn't thought that she was a person who needed human contact, but the extended time locked up by John was telling her a much different story. "I need to keep my sanity," she said aloud as she closed out of the computer program, getting to her feet and starting her evening routine. Taking a look in the bathroom mirror, Erin noticed how shaggy her hair was getting, but there were no proper scissors to trim it with, as John had only included her tiny sewing shears in with her stash. "I suppose, if I'm here long enough, my hair might reach the middle of my back. That will be quite the change for David to get used to," she murmured as she ran the brush through her locks, winching a little when she caught it on a few snarls.

"I wonder," she said quietly, hurriedly starting to French braid her hair. "I haven't been able to do this since I was with Alex in the Academy." Holding onto the end of the braid, she went back out into the bedroom and snipped off a piece of yarn to tie around her hair, in order to keep the braid neat. "If you could see me now, Alex, maybe you'd remember how good things were before everything happened. We were so close to reconciliation."

Taking a shaky breath, Erin crawled into bed and slipped beneath the covers before picking up her book and starting to read. She found her focus completely shot for some reason, and closed the book with a dull thud before setting it aside and deciding to see if she could again find any way to work round the blocks that John had in place. Unfortunately, she could find nothing there, but she was able to find a few news articles about the most recent cases the BAU had participated in, and it was so good to see the faces of people she had considered her friends once more. Drinking in the faces of Alex and David, she reached out to trace their features, feeling a deep wave of longing for them sweep over her. "The first thing I do, when I find a way out of this nightmare, is hugging Alex and then having David take me home and not leaving bed for the next four days."

With that thought in her mind, she turned the laptop off and set it aside before picking up Tabitha's plushie and cuddling it close to her chest. There was so much that she wanted to do, but it all hinged on her finding a way out of this basement. Which meant that she would have to play her cards right and drink in all the information that she could in order to help build her escape plan. And she had thirteen more days in which to do that without worrying about John paying attention to her every move. There was still the possibility of a Christmas miracle in her future, and she hoped and prayed that it would come for her.


	13. Chapter 13

"There are only eight days left until Christmas, Erin. I don't think that you'll finish anything else for your family."

Erin looked up from the shawl that she was working on for Karen and saw that John was crouching down so that he could look into the room without joining her. Frowning a little, she looked back down at her project before shaking out her shoulders and fixing a sharp glare on his face. "I will have this finished by lunchtime tomorrow, and then you can deliver them to my children. There is no way that Karen will be the only one of them left out. She's my first baby, and I won't do that to her. Did you bring me three gifts bags so I could at least wrap the presents, even if I can't write cards for them?"

"Yes, Erin, they're under the tray for you. And everything has to be ready to go by noon tomorrow. If it's not, I'll take Bruce and Tabitha their gifts, and Karen will just be out of luck." He closed the door with a loud thud, and Erin grimaced at the door before setting aside the shawl and going over to the food tray. She had not been expecting a hearty barley soup that afternoon, but the scent of it was delicious as it wafted up from the bread bowl. Taking a seat at her table, Erin began to eat, finding herself hungrier than she thought. As she ate, Erin thought about how much she had left to do on the shawl, thankful that she had chosen a pattern with only a small lace section, as she would have no time to block it.

"I hope that you understand, darling, when you figure it out, just why it's not perfect. But it's stitched with love, I promise," she murmured as she finished up the soup, cleaning her mouth with the provided napkin before washing her hands and bringing the tray back to the shelf by the door before picking up the gift bags. They were nothing like what she would have chosen for her darlings, but she knew that she had to be grateful for what John had provided, since he didn't have to give her anything. Letting out a deep sigh, she lovingly wrapped Bruce's sweater in the provided deep green tissue paper before slipping it into the closest matching bag. Tabitha's was wrapped in white tissue paper, and slipped into the bag with a kitten dressed as Santa Claus, since Erin knew that her youngest daughter would find that adorable. Which left the angel bag for Karen. That was fitting, since Erin had always thought of her oldest daughter as her little angel, from the moment she had been born. That just firmed her resolve to finish the shawl, as her angel deserved something beautiful for Christmas. Even if she wouldn't know that it was from Erin.

Letting out a small sigh, Erin went back to her bed and picked up the shawl once more, knowing that she would have to keep her fingers speeding along for the rest of the day and most of the morning in order to truly get it finished before her deadline. "John, I know that you can hear me. Please, just make a sandwich for me for supper. I'll need something fast so that I can have more time to finish this shawl for my Karen."

Clearing her throat, Erin cracked her back before getting back to work on the shawl, finding the rows going much more quickly than she had anticipated, which filled her heart with a spot of hope as she worked the yarn. Again, she lost herself in her work, pushing past the slight ache that was developing in her forearms. She knew that she could rest for the next few days, since there wouldn't be a pressing need to make anything, and she could go back to more mindless projects. The dull thud of the door opening caught her attention hours later, and she looked up from the project to find that John had returned. "I also dropped off some new pictures for you to peruse before you head off to sleep tonight. I think that you'll find them rather interesting."

Erin didn't like the sound of that, but she couldn't interrupt her counting to say something pithy back in response. Instead, she just shook her head as she counted out the final bits of the row. By the time she was setting the project aside, John had already closed the door, and she was left to pick up the tray, a pleased smile crossing her lips when she saw that he had listened to her wishes and left her with a delicious looking sandwich, along with a rather large slice of Dutch apple pie. As she brought the tray over to the table, Erin tried not to pay attention to the manila envelope that contained the photos that John had taunted her about, but as she picked up the first half of her sandwich, she found curiosity winning out.

Awkwardly, she opened it with one hand as she continued to eat, wanting to get four more rows completed that evening, so that she only needed to knit twelve tomorrow. Which was doable, she just had to ignore the pain in her arms. But as the pictures spilled out from the envelope, Erin began to tear up, seeing that David was in Penelope's arms once more, a happy grin on both their faces as they spoke with someone. Erin didn't know who it was, since they were off camera, but she could almost imagine that it was Alex. It would make a sick sort of sense that they would all be together, since she was absent from their lives now, and not hanging like a millstone around their necks.

Pushing the pictures away, Erin hurriedly finished her sandwich and piece of pie, knowing that she had to keep her strength up in order to finish what she needed to that evening. Frowning at the pile of pictures on the floor, Erin got to her feet a few minutes later and brought the tray to the shelf before washing her hands and angrily sitting on the bed once more, queueing up YouTube to play a Mahler playlist, feeling in the mood for his music that evening as she worked on the shawl. Erin worked until she was yawning too often to truly concentrate on what she was doing, finding herself pleased to have knocked out nine rows in total, which meant she only had seven to finish in the morning before weaving in the ends and then wrapping it up. That was more than doable, and she placed the project on top of the wicker trunk before heading into the bathroom and slipping into pyjamas, washing her face before heading back into her room.

Stooping next to the table, Erin picked up the pictures once more, flipping through them to see what else was there, hoping that she would be able to find more of her children. Instead, it seemed like it was just a series of snapshots with David hanging all over Penelope. A part of her began to despise them both, even though she knew that for all intents and purposes, she was dead to them. It wasn't their fault that they had started to move on without her, it just hurt like hell to know that she was so easily forgotten. Taking a deep breath, Erin shoved the pictures back into the envelope before tossing it into the trash can and then crawling into bed, pulling both quilts high up around her shoulders as she turned the laptop and lights off, quickly falling into a troubled sleep as she thought about escape and returning to her David.


	14. Chapter 14

"For Christmas Eve, I made certain to include a special treat for you, Erin. This is your first holiday season with me, and I wanted to make it one you would remember."

Erin hated the sound of John's voice in that moment, as she had been so hopeful that with the delivery of her Christmas presents to her children, someone would come to realise that she was still alive and being held captive by him. That hadn't happened, even though it had only been four days since the gifts had gone out. Hope was fast flickering out in her chest, and she let out a disconsolate sigh as she went over to the door and picked up the tray he had delivered to her. "Thank you, John. Wherever would I be without your kindness?"

"Cold in the ground, and don't you forget that. Have a good evening."

Before she could say anything else, John slammed the door closed, and she allowed her shoulders to slump as she walked to her table and took a heavy seat. There was a traditional ham supper on the plate, with everything that she loved about Christmas meals. Still, it tasted like ash to her, and she fought to keep herself from crying, as she wanted to be strong on this night, of all nights. Erin even forced herself to eat the chocolate yule log slice, wondering how John knew that she always made this for her family. By the time she was finished, Erin noticed that her vision was getting blurry, and that was when she knew, with absolute certainty, that John had drugged her food. It was a fight to get to her bed before she collapsed, and her last coherent thought, before she passed out, was just what would happen while she was dead to the world.

With a groan, Erin woke up some time later, and the first thing she noticed was that her bed was in a different position. Frowning deeply, Erin sat up as she rubbed her head, the dull ache reminding her how much she hated being drugged by John. She always felt awful. Blinking, she looked around the room, trying to see what else he had changed. That was when she realized things were much more different than she had thought. Her room was much larger, though the doors appeared to be in the same place. Getting to her feet, she went over to the refrigerator, opening it to see that it was well stocked with her favorite cheeses and fresh fruits. A glance into the freezer showed her favorite ice cream, along with some fruit bars. This was all too much to comprehend, and she looked around for her table, only to gasp when she noticed that the old one had been replaced with her kitchen table, the laptop setup on one end.

Taking a seat in front of it, Erin powered up the device as she rubbed her forehead once more, trying to ease away the headache. The first thing that she looked for was the date. "December twenty sixth? I've lost a day and a half?"

"You did."

Whirling around, she found John had opened the window in the door, that setup the same as from her last room. "What the fuck is going on?" she hissed out as she stalked over to his side, wishing that she had a way to drag him inside so that she could beat some answers out of him. He chuckled, as if he knew her intent, before handing a gift bag through the hole. "Answer me, John!"

"Your children are smarter than I gave them credit for, and Bruce went to David and Alex to demand some answers. Of course, he was told that there was no possible way that you could be alive, and that the gifts had to have come from a family member. It took a lot of convincing for him to believe the truth, as they know it, but since things were getting a little too close for comfort, I decided to move you to my other safe house. Just in case your children become a little more convincing than the truth that David and Alex both know."

She let out a little laugh of disbelief. "If they all think I'm alive, they won't give up until I'm found. They inherited their tenacity from me, after all."

"Keep telling yourself that, Erin. I'll be back in two hours with supper, you might as well use the time to grow accustomed to your new rooms." He swung the door hatch closed with a dull thud, and Erin struggled to keep from crying as she did just that. Though her stomach growled hungrily, she knew that if he was bringing a meal to her shortly, she shouldn't ruin her appetite.

Shaking her head a little, she turned and took stock of her room. Her yarn trunk was still at the foot of her bed, but the dresser was next to it now, the top filled with all the pictures as before. There was even a new one of her children, obviously taken from this holiday season, and she tried not to be creeped out by the fact that John had gotten his hands on the private picture, since it was so good to see them all together. There was a third door that she noticed as she looked away from her pictures, and she opened it to reveal a small closet. More of her clothes were there, and she felt her shoulders slump to realise that John believed her captivity would extend so far into the future that she would need everything there. Closing the closet door, she paced around the rest of the room, seeing that the larger bookcase held more of her books, along with some that she had never owned. There was an entire shelf of works published by David and Alex, which made her smile as she ran her fingers along the spines of them.

In the far corner, there was a stair machine, which she groaned a little at, having preferred access to a treadmill, but deciding to just go with the flow. It would be nice to do something other than yoga, after all. Opening the bathroom door, her first true smile spread across her face to see that the bathroom was quite a bit larger, enough so that she had a proper tub to take baths in. It seemed that John had known how much that would please her, as he had included a large basket of bath products for her to use. After supper, she knew that she would be certain to take a long bath with one of Alex's books to help her relax and try to come to grips with the fact that she was somewhere new, somewhere probably even more remote than her previous location. Leaving the bathroom, she went back to the table and picked up the giftbag that John had given her.

Opening it, she teared up a little to see that John had given her a photo album of her loved ones, including pictures of her children over the years, along with a good number of candid shots of Alpha team, letting her know just how long he had been stalking them before he had struck. Slamming the album shut, she picked up her laptop and brought it to the bed, deciding to watch something that would take her mind off her current predicament until John returned with her supper.


	15. Chapter 15

Erin was amazed at how easily it was to fall back into her previous routine, regimenting her days into mornings spent writing in her journal, or letters to her loved ones, afternoons where she read, and evenings where she watched movies or videos on YouTube. Saturday evenings were when she relaxed in the bathtub with a good book and allowed herself to be a bit pampered. It was a small bit of normality in a situation that was the farthest thing from normal. Erin tried to savor Alex's book, learning so much from them, but since she wasn't as prolific as her David, she was through them in no time at all.

It seemed like the same was true of her knitting. She tried to draw out her projects, to make them last, but the two scarves she'd worked up had both been completed in the space of two weeks. She was bored, and that was the most deadly thing of all in a situation such as hers. "You are bored, aren't you, Erin?"

She looked over to see that John was at her door, a little early for lunch. "This is the longest I've ever been forced to remain in one place, with only one person for company, and that's sporadic at best, since you don't talk to me all the time."

"Well, there's no way out for you just yet. I don't think I've properly broken your spirit. And strangely enough, now that I have you here, I don't think that I want to give you up quite as quickly as I had planned on. It has to be the power that I have over you, that makes me feel this way, but I want you to be well for a while longer. Which is why I decided to bring you something different to help keep your brain occupied while you're in there."

Erin cocked her head to one side as she watched him leave her sight before pushing a rather large bag through the hatch. Well, large was relative, since the hole wasn't large enough for Erin to crawl through, but she scurried over to the door to take hold of the bag, finding it a bit heavy. Staggering back a little, she waited for him to talk once more, only for the hatch to close without that. A tiny sigh slipped from her lips as she brought the bag over to the table, a flicker of eagerness flaming up in her chest as she looked into the bag.

On top were a few crossword puzzle books, and her lips fell into a frown as she pulled them out and caressed the cover of the top one. Alex loved doing crosswords, had picked up the habit from her mother, and Erin had loved teasing her about it while they were at the Academy together. Somehow, Erin knew that it wasn't coincidence that John had chosen this activity to keep her brain occupied, but she would be glad for it nonetheless. Pushing them aside, she looked back into the bag and gasped. Four of the puzzles from her and Karen's to work pile were inside the bag, including the humongous Ravensburger Disney puzzle that was going to be their year long project together.

Stacking the boxes on the empty shelf of the bookcase, Erin chose to work on a 5000 piece puzzle, since that would bring her less sorrow than starting the Ravensburger. Pulling off the lid of the box, Erin tore into the bag that held the pieces before carefully dumping them out on the table. As she would have done with Karen, Erin began to separate out the edge pieces from everything else, dropping the inner pieces back into the box so that she could build the framework first. There was something soothing about fitting together the pieces that made up the edging, almost certain that she could hear Karen's voice in her ear, excitedly pointing out the pieces that should fit together. At some point, Erin started to cry, absently swiping away the tears as she continued to fit the pieces together.

"We'll find a new puzzle to replace this one, when I'm free. I promise you that, Karen. And I'll keep the Disney puzzle to the very last, only starting work on it if I absolutely need something to keep me from going crazy." Losing herself to the work, Erin was shocked to hear her name being called out by John, and she looked over at the hatch to see that he had brought her lunch by already. "Just set it on the shelf. I want to put in a few more pieces."

"Suit yourself, Erin. You just don't want to let it get too cold."

She nodded absently as she heard the door close, going back to the puzzle to put the last three edge pieces in place. Feeling accomplished, Erin pushed away from the table and went over to the door, picking up her tray to see that John had brought her a pastrami sandwich on dark rye bread along with a hearty potato soup. Erin quickly ate, finding the meal delicious. That was the one thing she would never complain about, how John made food that was actually good, even though she knew that it was all done in order for her suffering to be drawn out all the longer. With the meal over, Erin brought the tray back before washing her hands and pulling out her notebook, writing a long letter to Karen, telling her about the progress on the puzzle, how much she missed her, and how she hoped that she was doing well in school.

Once her emotions were poured out on the page, Erin decided to knit until John returned with supper, choosing to watch one of the new shows that John had put on her laptop at some point. She had never been one to watch war comedies, but she would give anything a go once, especially as her entertainment choices were limited to what was on the hard drive and what she could find on YouTube. She wanted to find a way to comment, to yell into the void about how she was being held captive, but John had that completely locked down, still. Though a flicker of hope always burned in her chest that there would come a day when she could get around the firewalls that he had in place. That would be easier if she was Penelope, but that was neither here nor there.

Sighing, she began to work on her next project, a pair of socks for herself. She hadn't made anything just for her in ages, and though it felt a little weird, she was glad to finally have something for herself in this prison. As she worked on the socks, deciding to finally figure out how to knit both socks at once. Since it was an easy enough pattern, Erin was able to focus completely on the program playing on the laptop, and she again lost herself in her work, wishing that she had a warm body to cuddle up with. As her confinement dragged out to nearly nine months, Erin was beginning to find herself more than a little touch starved. But that did not translate to her wanting to become cosy with John, ever. There was no way that she would fall into his thrall, not even for a moment. She would escape and be reunited with the people she loved and never let them go, ever again.


	16. Chapter 16

Erin jumped to feel a hand on her back a few days later. She had been so engrossed in her writing that she hadn't noticed the passage of time, and a quick glance at the clock told her that it was nearly quarter after twelve. Turning, she looked up into John's face, seeing that there was a wide smirk on his face. "What do you want?" she hissed, trying to jump to her feet in order to take him on, but he gestured towards her meal as he made his way towards the door.

"You were so lost that I had to get your attention somehow. I see that you've made the jump to fiction. What's the matter? The idea of writing to your precious David and Alex no longer keeping your attention as it should?" he taunted as he stepped out of the room and closed the door before opening the hatch and staring in at her, clearly wanting a conversation with her.

"There are only so many times that I can tell them the same thing, John. There's nothing for me to see in here. The only window is high above my head, and I don't feel comfortable standing on the table to try and see what's out there. Though I know that you have me somewhere cold, since I can feel it through the cement walls. If I knew how to weave, I'd be asking you for a loom so that I could make hangings to keep some of the chill out of my bones."

"Well, there might be room for that, if I were to take out the exercise machine. And you have access to the internet, so you could look for tutorials on how to weave."

Erin didn't know if he was being serious or not, but she still shook her head. "No, I've made it this far through the winter, I suppose that I can live a few more weeks in layers." Taking a deep breath, she glanced back at the laptop screen before putting her attention on John once more. "Have you been reading what I've been working on?"

"Of course! I sort of knew that you would write about me, even if it was in the fictional realm, and I have to say, you could do better. Your version of the Replicator is a dolt, whereas I am the man who managed to outwit the entire Alpha team of the BAU and their Section Chief. You have one of the smartest young men attached to that team, and he still couldn't find the patterns or figure out that it was me. I thought it was very clever of me to give my accomplice a cyanide pill to take when he was inevitably captured. That was your biggest clue to who I was, and you all missed it."

"Doctor Reid was also mourning the loss of the love of his life, so it made sense that his thinking was a little fractured. Are, are you still keeping tabs on them?"

"Why? Would you like pictures of the team that's forgotten you already? I thought that the pictures of David and Penelope together made you sad?"

She took a deep breath as she picked up half of the sandwich and taking a small bite, needing to put some space between the end of his question and her response. "They do make me sad, but only because I cannot wish them well. I've finally come to terms with the fact that when I escape, David will be completely Penelope's, but I still want to remain friends with them. So yes, I would love to have pictures of everyone, if you can get them to me."

A part of Erin wanted to claw the smirk from John's face, but she knew that would be a fruitless endeavor, since he was stronger than she was, especially after she had been kept locked up for so long with no access to her normal workout routine. Instead of acting on her instincts, Erin just gave him a placid smile, waiting for his answer. "I think that you know I can get close enough to anyone on the team in order to get what I need. Who would you like to see first? More of your dear David?"

She shook her head. "Alex. I want to see Alex."

"Interesting. You know, that was the one thing I could never discover about the two of you, while we worked together on the Amerithrax case. Were you sleeping together?"

A deep frown marred her lips as she thought about that time. Though Alex and she had danced around each other, they hadn't ever resumed the relationship that they had had while in the Academy. Erin knew that she was taking too long to answer John, which would only lead to him thinking the worst, most lascivious, things. Finally, she shook her head before looking down at her food. "We were never close like that, John. We were always such good friends. And I miss my friend so very much."

"I'll see what I can do, Erin." He winked broadly at her before closing the hatch and leaving her alone once more. Though she hadn't welcomed him touching her, it had been strangely nice to have an adult conversation for the first time in close to a week. Hurriedly, she finished the meal that he had brought her, finding herself famished for some reason. Once her plate was clear, she brought it over to the door before deciding to take a long bath with one of David's books. Since she was still so cold, she though that the hot water could help warm the marrow of her bones.

Crouching down a little, she searched the shelves for the book that she wanted, knowing exactly which one that she wanted to read. Only, it wasn't there, and in its place was an ARC of David's brand new book. That sent a shiver down her spine that had nothing to do with the lingering chill in the air, and she pulled it out, wondering just how John had gotten his hands on it. Usually, to receive an ARC, you had to give your real name, and since he was a wanted fugitive, and she was supposed to be dead, there was no way either of them could have been used to request this book. Pulling it off the shelf, she rose to her feet and carried it into the bathroom, setting it on the edge of the tub before stripping off her clothes and shoving the dirty pieces in the hamper before turning the water on and stepping in. While it filled, Erin ran a bit of bubble bath beneath the spigot, wanting to luxuriate in something that afternoon.

Once she deemed there to be enough frothy foam, she replaced the bottle before slipping beneath the water and getting comfortable. Picking up David's new book, she opened it to reveal a letter from the publishing company, addressed to Erin Curtis, and it suddenly made sense as to how the book had come to be in her hands. Balling up the letter, she tossed it into the wastebasket before settling in to start her beloved's newest book, knowing that she would feel closer to him for the reading of it.


	17. Chapter 17

Erin sighed as she marked off another day in February. It was nearly the end of the month, which meant her birthday would be coming up soon, and another milestone where she was still in here rather than outside with her family and David. She knew that it was a pipe dream, since the latest pictures John had brought her of him had shown how happy he was with Penelope, and she knew that no matter how he might protest when she finally escaped, she would have him stay with the other woman. It wasn't his fault that he had moved on and found happiness with someone else. Still, her heart was tender over the fact that she would have to start over with her love life.

Hearing the hatch door open, she turned to see that John had brought her breakfast, and she moved over in that direction as he set the tray down on the shelf. "Good morning, Erin. When I'm gone, you'll find extra supplies for the next couple of weeks. Since you have the refrigerator now, you'll have a little more variety in your diet than when you were in the previous room. But don't you worry a single hair on your head, I will return, and life will go on as normal. In fact, you might even have something to celebrate, since I'll return on your birthday. Enjoy your meal, I'll see you at lunch."

He shut the hatch quickly, and Erin frowned as she picked up the tray and brought it over to the table, eating with one hand as she continued to fit the second puzzle together with the other. Erin hummed beneath her breath as she ate and worked, finding a satisfying rhythm develop as she went along. When she had finished her breakfast, Erin chose new clothes for the day before heading into the bathroom and showering. As she washed her hair, she began to think about what he could possibly be doing during his absence. It would be difficult to be alone once more, though a part of her also knew that she should use the opportunity to try and escape. There might not be another chance like this one, after all, so she had to use every ounce of her wits to figure out a way out of the room and home to her family. Humming her favorite song beneath her breath, Erin as she rinsed the soap off her body and then turned the water off, wrapping a towel around her body as she stepped out of the bathtub and dried her hair before dressing and taking a look at her reflection.

Erin hated the fact that she was much paler than normal, as if her captivity had bled out all the color from her skin, even though she knew that it was a result of her not having access to the outside. Sighing deeply, she deftly applied a light layer of makeup, wanting to have at least a small bit of color to her expression. When she felt normal, Erin went back into her room and grabbed a bottle of juice from the refrigerator before curling up on the bed and starting to work on her latest shawl. It was one of her favourite patterns, and she lost herself in the laciness of it, thinking that she might try to convince John to somehow get it to Penelope.

As the hours passed, Erin found herself thinking about her former team, wondering what they all were doing right about then. They were probably out on a case, trying to bring down an unsub before he destroyed another life. A part of her itched to see what they were working on, but she knew that she couldn't log into her work portal, since John had that blocked, too. But she could always extrapolate as to what they might be doing. Aaron would be his usual stoic self, trying to get everyone to be rational and calm. Her David would be going off on his own, trying to work out everything before presenting his theories to the team. Alex would be quiet, like she always was, not speaking until she was certain of herself and what she had to give to them. Penelope would be quickly tracking down information whilst trying to avoid actually seeing the carnage that people could do. She wished she knew the others as well as she did those four, but she thought that they would also be hard at work to bring the unsub to justice. There was something almost soothing about that particular fanciful dream, and she allowed her mind to spin out the narrative as she worked the pattern, quickly losing her sense of time.

"Did you forget that I told you there'd be supplies outside your door, Erin?"

Looking up from the shawl in her lap, she turned her head slowly towards the hatch, her eyes taking a moment to focus on his face in the hatch. "I suppose that I did. I have been a bit distracted recently. Was there anything perishable out there?"

"No, I was planning on bringing that by this evening, since I want it to be as fresh as possible. Any requests?"

She thought for a moment as she set aside her shawl and got up to get her lunch tray. "I've been craving sweet things lately, so if you could purchase some ice cream or chocolate ice cream bars, that would be nice. And if you're going to be gone for a few weeks, as you said, I'd like some graham crackers and biscuits. And a gallon of milk, to last the entire time you'll be gone."

He nodded before handing the tray over. "I'll leave the hatch open this time so that you can remember to get your supplies and take care of them. All right?"

She fought to keep from rolling her eyes at the paternalistic tone he was taking with her as she nodded. "Of course, John. Happy shopping." He gave her a tight smile before leaving her sight, and Erin let out a long breath as she took a seat at the table. This time, she didn't work on the puzzle, wanting to quickly eat so that she could take care of whatever supplies he had already left outside her door. Still, there was more on her plate than she could finish, so she scraped the remaining casserole into one of the containers she had requested a few weeks ago before placing it in the refrigerator for later.

"All right, let's see what you brought me for supplies, John." Glancing out of the hatch, she found three bags and pulled them inside one by one, so as not to drop anything. The thing that pleased her the most to find were bags of apples and oranges. Those she would have to eat quickly, since she knew they'd spoil if she wasn't careful. Setting those on top of her dresser, she continued to go through what John had left, dropping the chocolate bars into her nightstand drawer to join the others there. The amount of nonperishables that she found in the bags told her that he was truly serious about being gone for a few weeks, and she felt both apprehension and excitement at the thought of being alone for that length of time. She knew that she would have to be careful, but also that her rescue might be close at hand, she just had to play her cards right.


	18. Chapter 18

Erin had decided to wait a few days before attempting her first escape, since for all she knew, John had been bluffing about being gone from the house. But when she hadn't heard any noises above her head for two days, she made the decision to explore her options. After pulling her hair back into a tight ponytail, Erin brought over her thinnest knitting needles and began to manipulate the lock on her door, knowing that it might take a while before she had successfully jimmied it open. Shaking out her shoulders, Erin crouched down so that her eyes were level with the locking mechanism and began to work it open, crossing her fingers that she wouldn't bend the needles, since then she'd have to explain to John why she needed a new pair.

After about ten minutes of careful work, Erin finally heard the lock turn over and then she tried the handle, almost bursting into tears with relief as the door opened inwards. Taking a few shallow breaths, Erin returned the needles to her stash and then slipped her feet into a pair of ballet flats, not knowing what she might encounter. A part of her wished that she had her service weapon close at hand, but even if she was on her best behavior, John would never have allowed her access to that. "I am going to try and find something I can fashion into a weapon, though," she murmured out loud as she crossed the threshold of her door and stepped into her first moment of freedom in nine months. Her legs felt a bit rubbery as she climbed the stairs, listening carefully for any hint that John was there. She didn't want to take unnecessary chances, after all, not when she was this close to freedom.

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, Erin made certain to look around the area at the top of the stairs, checking to see if there were any cameras or any sign that John was waiting for her to make this move. When she didn't find any overt signs that she was being watched, her guard dropped a little and she made her way through the pantry until she was in the kitchen. "Well, at least I can make myself a hot meal, if I want," she said as she looked at the room. She didn't see any phones or computers in that room, which didn't surprise her.

Even though everything in her heart was screaming at her to head outdoors, she wanted to explore the house fully and get a feel for what was going on there. Erin passed a staircase, and decided to leave that for later, since she wanted to get the ground floor out of the way first. It was a cosy cabin, and Erin found her heart heaving a little at the sight of the forest from the living room window. If the situation was different, she could see herself curling up on the sofa with a cup of coffee and watching for deer and other wildlife. It was a beautiful thought, one of the first that she'd had in a long time, and that was the moment that she did end up crying, sitting heavily on the sofa as she allowed herself to quietly weep for the first time since Christmas. Once the emotional storm had passed, Erin felt lighter, as if she had shrugged off a burden she hadn't known she was carrying until that moment.

Rising to her feet, she searched the rest of the ground floor, finding a closet full of cleaning supplies. Hoping that John wouldn't miss one broom, Erin brought it to the basement door before making her way up the stairs. That was a quicker search, but once again, there was no phone or way to make contact with the outside world. Trying not to let that small detail get to her too much, Erin made her way outside and took a quick stroll around the house, finding that there was no garage and no spare vehicle in the drive. Not that she could hotwire a car, that had never been in her wheelhouse, and even if she could look up how to do it on the internet, she wasn't certain that she could have made that work.

After making the circuit of the house, Erin decided to walk to the end of the drive, in hopes that maybe she would see a car driving by and then flag them down. The walk was longer than she had anticipated, and thickly wooded. After what felt like three miles, she still hadn't reached the end, and her shoulders slumped to realise just how isolated they truly were. John had thought of contingency upon contingency, and this was one thing that she hadn't planned on. After making the long trek back to the house, Erin trudged into the living room and curled up on the sofa, deciding to rest for a little while before checking out the rest of the property. At some point, she fell asleep, because when she woke up, she was hungry.

Slipping off the sofa, she made her way down to the basement and made a quick meal, eating at her table before slipping on a warmer sweater and sneakers. She had found that her feet were freezing from the long trek down and up the unending drive, and hoped to mitigate that a little by changing her outfit. Then she was trooping back upstairs and out the door, making her way to the back of the property. After orienting herself a moment, she walked forward, into the trees. There was a small path there, and she followed it all the way to a lake. Stepping onto the shore, she looked around to see that there was no other clearing around the perimeter. Refusing to let that get her down, Erin sank down onto the sandy ground and pulled her knees up to her chest as she watched the water lap against the ground. There was something very soothing about the sight, and she vowed come back out to this spot the next day, if John hadn't returned, since she wanted to feel free, even if she couldn't escape her hell just yet.

Finally, the chill got to be too much for her, and she reluctantly rose to her feet before heading inside and making her way down to her room. Shivering, she closed her door and made her way into the bathroom, stripping off her clothes and sorting them into dirty and could be worn another time before turning on the water and letting it fill the tub. Once inside the water, Erin allowed herself to relax and go over what she had learned that day. The one thing that she was most certain of was something that she didn't think would be possible. She would need to overpower John, and without her service weapon, she didn't know if that would be possible. She knew that she could possibly take him out with the broom, but she'd have to somehow lure him into her room and take him by surprise before doing that. Which all meant that she was going to have to bide her time once more, and somehow find the patience in herself to wait until the perfect time to strike and take John out.


	19. Chapter 19

"Fuck," Erin whispered as she looked at her face in the mirror. Since John hadn't reappeared yet, she had started spending as much time as possible outside, to drink in as much fresh air and sunlight as she could before she was trapped once more. Only, she hadn't thought to remember that the sun would leave its telltale mark on her extra pale skin. Reaching up, she pressed her fingers against the reddened skin of her cheeks and winced. There would be no way that she could get of that evidence in the few days before John was scheduled to show his face once more. After all, her birthday was in two days, and he had vowed to return by then. This would be her last few days of relative freedom, and she didn't really know how she would spend them. A quick trip upstairs had shown that it was snowing, and probably would be the entire day, which left going outside off the table.

Her mind began to think about what she and David had planned to do on her birthday. He had promised to take her to his cabin, and they would disconnect from the world. How strange that she was fulfilling that part of their plans, but there was no way that her birthday evening would lead to truly exquisite sex. Erin had tried not to think about that side of her as she trapped by John, but as she was coming up on this milestone, all she wanted was to experience the more carnal side of her life once more, with someone she loved. Erin's gaze slid down her body, taking a critical assessment of herself. Thanks to John's cooking, she had managed to lose the last five stubborn pounds that she had wanted gone, and she felt better than she had in a while. Smiling a little smirk, she ran her hands over her torso before sliding them up to cup her breasts, her thumbs running against her nipples, quickly stiffening them into tight little buttons. In her imagination, it was David's hands touching her, and she let out a little whimper as her knees wobbled a tiny bit. This was fast getting out of hand, and Erin knew that she had to take it to the limit, that she needed the sweet release of an orgasm that she had denied herself for close to ten months.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Erin allowed her robe to fall to the floor as she stepped out of the bathroom and made her way over to the bed, tugging the quilt and sheet down to the foot of it before collapsing on the mattress. She licked her lips slowly as she ran her hands up and down her torso, avoiding her breasts this time, as she wanted to stretch out the pleasure she was giving herself. Already, though, she could feel that heady bliss start to coalesce in her groin, tightening sweetly as her hips twitched and ground against the mattress. Stilling her hands, Erin took a few deep breaths before spreading her legs slightly, her hand sliding between her legs to brush at the apex of her thighs. Unconsciously, her hips canted upwards into the touch, a low groan tumbling from her lips as her fingers began to slowly stroke her labia.

A part of her wanted to be quiet, to keep this moment to herself, but she remembered that she was alone, and so could make whatever sounds she liked. Feeling emboldened, she spread her thighs a little wider, sliding her fingers downwards as she felt for her entrance, finding her body slick with desire already. It was so easy to slip her fingers into her channel, her thumb brushing against her clitoris as she pumped her fingers in and out in a slow rhythm, little whimpers and moans falling from her lips as she ground down against her hand, her other hand drifting between her breasts and her face, sometimes biting her thumb as she struggled to hold off her orgasm for as long as possible. "David!" she cried out as she plucked at her nipple, wishing it was his hand, his mouth, touching her, caressing her, suckling her. As she pictured the face he would make as he slowly thrust into her pliant body, as her legs curled around his hips, pulling him in closer to her, Erin felt herself losing control, unable to call herself back from the precipice point, and then she was coming with a sharp scream, her back bowing upwards as she gave herself over to the orgasm, relishing in the way it made her feel so good.

Collapsing back against the mattress, Erin gasped and whimpered, trying to catch her breath even as her thumb still absently stroked her clitoris, drawing out the aftershock of her orgasm. Before she knew it, a second, quieter, orgasm swept over her body, and then she felt like she was floating on a gentle sea of fuzzy memories and hazy satisfaction. "Happy birthday to me," she murmured as her arms flopped down by her side and she stared up at the ceiling. As soon as she felt like her legs could support her, Erin got back up and made her way back into the bathroom before stepping into the tub for a quick shower to wash the scent of sex off her skin. Still, she was so sensitive that she had to carefully wash her breasts so as not to send herself over the edge into another orgasm.

Turning off the water, she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body before padding out into her room and grabbing out a nightgown, slipping it over her head as she let the towel fall to the ground. After picking it up, she jogged into the bathroom and tossed it in the hamper before stretching out on the bed, pulling the quilt up around her waist as she snuggled back into the bed and turned on the movie that she had been looking forward to watching. It was so easy to settle down, now that some of her nervous energy had been worked out, and Erin focused on the actors as she began to relax more and more. A few deep yawns split her lips as the movie played on, and Erin knew it was a lost cause in that moment, so she changed to playing a few YouTube videos as she flopped onto her back to listen to the story being read. There was something very soothing about the voice as it went on, and she tried to focus, but found that she felt like she was swimming a bit. Grabbing hold of Tabitha's plushie, she hugged it close to her chest as she allowed her mind to wander, thinking about how things would change so drastically once more, when John returned. She wouldn't have roam of the land any longer, she'd be stuck in this small space until she figured out how to escape John.

"Maybe I'll get new pictures of my children when he returns. Maybe that's why he's been gone for so long." She hoped that that was the truth, but she couldn't put anything past John, since he wanted to see her suffer deeply. But still, there was a faint flicker of hope that when he did get back, she would find the opening she needed and run with it, finding her way home to her family after so long away from them.


	20. Chapter 20

Erin was just finishing up the row on her current project when she heard the door start to open. Looking up, she expected to see just the hatch pulling open, but to her shock, the whole door was being opened, and she frowned a little as she set her knitting aside and watched as John entered her room with a large cake in his hands, a candle burning brightly in the center of it. "Happy birthday, dear Erin. Happy birthday to you," John sang as he went over to her tale and set the cake there. "Did you miss me much?"

"Immensely," she muttered as she went over to the table and took a good look at the cake, seeing that it appeared to be homemade. Blowing out the candle, she listened to John leave the room for a moment, and as she pulled the candle out of the cake, sucking off the frosting, Erin wondered what he was doing, since the door hadn't closed. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw that he was carrying in a rather large gift bag, setting it on her bed before heading back out into the hall to get something else. Sensing that this was her opportunity to get a jump on John, Erin got to her feet and scurried over to her closet, pulling out the broom and waiting for him to reenter.

"Erin? Where did you…?"

John was unable to finish his question, as she struck hard and fast, whacking him across the back of the head with as much force as she could muster. He went down like a rock dropped from a good height, and once she was certain that he wasn't going to just pop back up again, she allowed the adrenaline that had been coursing through her body to overtake her system, and she collapsed onto her bed as she started to hyperventilate a little. She felt like she couldn't breathe, though she knew that was just her body reacting to the situation. A part of her brain knew that she should use this moment to escape, to find the keys to his car and make a run for it while he was unconscious, but a larger part of her wanted to discover just why John had been holding her captive for so long, teasing her with all the comforts of home, and yet still telling her that he was going to kill her when all was said and done.

Feeling a sudden wave of sickness start to wash over her, Erin shakily rose to her feet before running towards the bathroom and falling to her knees as she wretched. In the back of her mind, she was kicking herself for allowing this reaction to take over her impulses, when she should have made a run for it, throwing up on the stairs along the way out of the house, but her primness had gotten in the way of that solution. Another wave of sickness passed over her system, and she began to taste pure, bitter, bile rising up in the back of her throat. It was a disgusting taste, one she had never hoped to experience again, but there was nothing she could do about that now. As she continued to throw up, she could hear movement behind her, and tears were soon joining the remnants of her sickness on her face. "Dammit, how could you have let this opportunity slip through your fingers, you stupid, stupid, woman?" she muttered to herself as she shakily rose to her feet, turning to the door to see what John was doing. By the time she reached the doorway, he was already at her outer door, their eyes meeting as he started to close it. "Wait!"

"Why? So you can hit me again? You should have taken the opportunity to escape when I was passed out briefly. You might even have made it. Though I must say, bravo for finding a weapon in the house to use when I got back. Oh, and just so you know, there's another lock on the door at the top of the stairs, one you can't undo with a bobby pin."

"I didn't use a bobby pin, I used my knitting needles."

"No matter. You still won't be able to escape quite so easily if there is another opportunity for you to do so. Enjoy the cake, I made certain to bake your favorite."

He went to leave her, and suddenly Erin felt desperate to know more. "Why don't you just kill me now? You could blame it on self-defense, since I tried to knock you out!"

"Because we both feel that you haven't suffered enough."

What little color that was in her face drained away at those words, and she collapsed to the floor, her knees banging painfully against the concrete floor, the carpet doing little to protect them. "Who hates me so much that they would find as much pleasure in this torment as you do? I understand why you would want to see me suffer, but I cannot honestly think of anyone else who would wish this amount of harm upon me. Please, give me an answer, John."

There was a pause, and Erin thought that she might have gotten through to him. Looking at the door, she saw him smirk as he enclosed her in her prison cell once more. That look told her enough, that she would not be getting any answers from him that afternoon, but she refused to start crying once more. Her squandered escape opportunity was entirely her fault, and she would not show him any weakness. Moments later, John was opening the hatch and crouching down so that he could look at her, that damned smirk never once leaving his face. "There are a few people, close to you, who despise you nearly as much as I do, Erin. It boggles my mind how you never saw it. You, who were always so smart. Ah, well, maybe one day you'll figure it out. Right before we take care of you."

"All I want is a name, John."

"Not right now, darling Erin. Open your birthday gifts, it is a day to celebrate, after all."

The hatch door slammed shut, and she frowned deeply as she pushed herself to her feet, rubbing at her aching knees. Taking a glance down at her blouse, she saw that she had soiled it and let out a groan before heading over to her closet and pulling out a fresh one. Heading into the bathroom, Erin hurriedly changed before washing her mouth out and then brushing her teeth. "Some birthday this is turning out to be," she muttered as she stared at her reflection. "You fucked up, plain and simple, and missed the one opening you could have taken to escape. Who knows when you're next going to have that opportunity?" Letting out a deep sigh, Erin went back out to her room and took a look at her gifts, not finding her heart in wanting to open them, but still curious about the contents.

Her stomach growled a little, and Erin took a seat at the table, cutting herself a slice of cake. John hadn't lied, he had baked her a spice cake, and it smelled exactly like what her mother's had. That was another blow to her already low heart, and she sighed as she picked up her fork and began to eat, trying not to think about all that she was missing in that moment, and her squandered opportunity.


	21. Chapter 21

After Erin had finished her slice of cake, she brought the rest of it to the refrigerator and set it inside, wanting to keep it as fresh as possible, knowing that it would take a while for her to finish. With that out of the way, she knew that she'd have no choice but to open the gifts that John had brought her. Heading over to the bed, she set her project in the basket before taking a seat and pulling the smallest of the bags into her lap. A slight gasp stole its way from her lungs as she took out three skeins of the finest silk yarn she had ever seen. It was perfect for a shawl, but she just needed to find which of her patterns to use it with. This, though, didn't seem to be the cause for John to act so smug about her opening these presents, so she set the skeins aside before picking up the next gift.

This was the largest of the bags, and so heavy that she nearly fell back against the wall as she brought it over to her. Frowning deeply, Erin pulled out the tissue paper and peered inside, a strangled cry escaping her lips to see that John had brought her. There was no value to the sculpture, but the sentimental meaning to her was astronomical. It was the angel sculpture that Alan had bought her when she had lost the twins. What had been a high risk pregnancy had ended in tragedy, and while they had both wanted to commemorate their brief lives, it had been her ex-husband who had thought to find the perfect remembrance object. No one else in her life knew that's what it was, she hadn't even told David yet, though she loved him so, because it was so deeply personal.

Her effort to keep from crying once more was dashed, as deep sobs began to well up from the pit of her stomach, and she wrapped the sculpture in her arms, holding it close to her chest as she cried. "I miss you, my darlings. I tried so hard to keep you, but there was nothing I could do to hold on to you." Carefully getting to her feet, she brought the sculpture over to her bookcase and set it down amongst the pictures of her children, just like she had done at home. "Now we're all together again, darlings. Even if we're all far apart."

Swiping beneath her eyes, Erin turned back to the bed and looked at the large box on the floor. From the way John had staggered to bring it into her room, she knew there was no way that she wanted to lift it up, so she knelt down next to it, running the cake knife along the tape to break it before tossing that onto the bed and opening the box. "What the fuck is going on here?" she whispered, taking a look at what the box contained. This was more than just them wanting to torture her. This was sadistic, cruel, and the antithesis of everything she had ever believed about the world at large.

Scrambling away from the box, Erin tried to keep her head from swimming as she thought about her situation. Not only were the rest of the pictures of her children in that box, so were the casts of their hands from the patio, when she and Alan had installed it so many years ago. Those precious prints had been covered up by carpeting when they'd turned the patio into an all seasons porch for her to spend time in, knitting or reading, as a way to unwind from the stresses of her job. It was just too bad that that hadn't been enough to keep her from falling into the bottom of a bottle to ease away the pain. Again, it wasn't something that she had told anyone, ever, and she shuddered to think that perhaps Alan was the one working with John. Though they had gotten on better terms with each other after the divorce, there had been such acrimony between them when they were going through that.

Shaking her head a little, Erin set out the other pictures before arranging their handprints next to the bookcase. "Alan, why would you hurt me like this?" she asked as she took stock of her work. It looked more like home with the extra pictures, and the handprints would be a welcome reminder of her darlings, but it still felt so wrong. And a part of her knew that that was because now she weapons readily at hand, and so John wouldn't come into her room while she was awake. This was her final death sentence, and she would be here for the rest of her life. "But I have to know what's going on with the house. There is no way that the new owners would allow someone to destroy the house in the manner necessary to acquire the handprints. Heading back to the table, she powered up her laptop and quickly navigated to Google, in order to look up the records of her house.

It didn't take long to find out a small portion of the information that she wanted, and after clicking on the website, she scrolled through to find out that her house had indeed been sold six months ago, but no matter how much digging she did, she couldn't find out who had purchased it. From the sum that had been paid, Erin dearly hoped that Alan had put that money in a trust for the children, since that would go a long way towards their future college debts. Looking up at her pictures once more, she felt a strange mix of emotions, as if she didn't quite believe what had happened in such a short span of time. And she couldn't help but hope that her suspicions were wrong, that Alan hadn't really been working with John to keep her held captive. He was the father of her children after all, even if the divorce had been so acrimonious.

Letting out a forlorn sigh, Erin pushed away from the table and trudged to the bed, collapsing upon it before scooting back into the corner and drawing her knees up to her chest as she rocked back and forth a little in an effort to self-soothe. "This is the time when I need to talk to you, David. Or Alex. I just need to touch base with someone about what's going on. Everything hurts. Everything." She found that she couldn't look at the new additions to the room and she flopped back onto the mattress to stare at the ceiling. Turning onto her side, Erin once more curled her knees up to her chest before grabbing hold of Tabitha's stuffed bear and wrapping her body around it.

Try though she might, Erin couldn't fall asleep, since her mind just kept racing between thoughts about her children, about John, about who his partner was, and it all translated into a miasma of hurt. She had never experienced emotional pain this bad, not even when Alan had served her divorce papers at church. That had been humiliating, but this? This was on such a different level to that, and somehow, she couldn't quite see him doing this to her, two years after the divorce had been finalized. He wasn't one to hold on to things for a long period of time. Still, there wasn't anyone else who could possibly despise her enough to torture her in this manner, and she wasn't certain she wanted to know who this partner was, since she didn't want to start heading down a rabbit hole of the people in her life who secretly hated her. Not when she needed to keep up a good front in order to find the strength within herself to come up with a plan of escape. Because at this point, she knew that the only one who could rescue her was herself.


	22. Chapter 22

Erin woke with a start the next morning, feeling utterly exhausted, despite the fact that she couldn't remember exactly when she had fallen asleep the previous day, only knowing that it had been early. Glancing over at her table, she saw that John had left her breakfast, along with a bottle of wine. Getting to her feet, she stumbled over to the table, pushing aside the wine before picking up her fork and digging into the food. The eggs were still warm, which told her that John had been there recently, a thought that caused her to shudder a little. Erin knew that she was getting closer and closer to the breaking point, a place she didn't want to be at, and she let out a long breath before finishing up her meal, washing down the last few bites with the orange juice John had included with her breakfast. Once she was done, Erin brought the tray and the bottle of wine over to the shelf and set them there before choosing fresh clothes for the day and heading into the bathroom.

After stripping off yesterday's clothes and shoving everything into the hamper, knowing that John would collect it soon to wash, since that was his normal modus operandi, she pulled back the curtain away from the shower. Closing her eyes wearily, Erin stepped into the shower and turned the water on, allowing the frigidity of the early stream to wake her up a little more. As soon as the water was properly scalding, she began to wash her hair and body, trying not to think about how awful her birthday had been. There wasn't even a song in her heart that morning, and that was the thing that hurt the most of all. Finally, when she felt clean enough, Erin turned off the water and reached out for a towel, wrapping it around her body before using another to dry off her limbs and hair.

"You're fifty-three now, Erin. You thought that you'd be getting married to David before you reached this year, because that was the direction things were going. But now, you're literally dead to him, and he's moved on with a very sweet young woman who deserves all the love in the world. But that leaves you out in the cold, when you finally return to the world of the living." Pursing her lips a little, Erin let the towel drop to the floor as she pulled on fresh clothing, feeling all the better for doing so. For once, though, she didn't bother to do her hair or put on makeup, wanting to have a lowkey day.

When she stepped out of the bathroom, the breakfast tray was gone, but the bottle of wine was still there, and she felt a rush of anger sweep over her. Stalking over to the door, she threw open the hatch and tossed the bottle in the direction of the stairs, listening to the satisfying shatter of glass when it hit the ground. "I will not break!" she said through the hatch before slamming the door closed once more and stomping over to her bed. Looking at her project basket, Erin knew that there was no way that she could work on any knitting in that moment, since her hands were shaking too badly, and she would be certain to drop stitches or makes mistakes in the pattern. Instead, she plopped down into the chair in front of her laptop and booted it up.

The thought of watching anything also repulsed her, so she instead started the playlist she'd curated of her favorite music pieces before opening a new tab in her browser and staring at the address bar. The cursor seemed to mock her, since she all of a sudden didn't know what she wanted to do. After staring aimlessly for what seemed like minutes, she decided to open Google and then was once again staring at the cursor, watching it blink almost mockingly. "Well. Maybe…" Placing her hands on the keyboard, she tapped out Alex's name, not expecting anything to pop up. To her shock, though, one of the first links was to a depository for all of her published academic articles and she let out her first sigh of pleasure in a few days.

Eagerly, she clicked on the newest paper, seeing that it had been published just a few weeks ago. Picking up the laptop, Erin brought it over to the bed and curled up in the corner, making herself comfortable before setting the device on her legs as she started to read what Alex had written. It was an interesting paper, even if she didn't understand all of it. By the time she reached the end a few hours later, she was surprised to find that there was comment section, and that there were comments already. Scrolling through them, Erin found herself smiling a little to see that Alex had replied to each one. "Oh, please, please, please, let this work, Lord," she prayed as she clicked on the reply box.

To her pleasure, she found that she didn't need to sign up to leave a comment, and with shaking fingers, she tapped out first a reply to the paper before adding a personal comment to the woman, hoping that she wouldn't think it was some sort of elaborate hoax. _I know that you'll think this is a prank, but I assure you that it is not. It is me. And I need your help. I'm being held captive by John, and I know that Bruce has spoken with you about me, since John moved me from my previous location to where I am now. I don't have access to any form of social media, including emails, so I am very glad that I've managed to find this way to reach out. Please, if you believe me, write back and let me know how my babies are doing._

Before she got too personal, Erin hit the post button and then wrote the URL down in her notebook, not trusting John to stay out of her bookmarks. Then she remembered to do the smart thing, and cleared out her history, after doublechecking to make certain that she had written down the address correctly. She didn't want to lose this tenuous connection to Alex and the outside world before she had even had the chance to reach her. Feeling much calmer now, she set the laptop aside after choosing one of the videos on her watch later list, listening to it while she picked up her knitting project to start working on it once more. Soon enough, she was in the groove of her knitting, hardly noticing when John opened her hatch door to deliver her lunch.

"Did it feel good to get that anger out of your system?"

Looking up from her row, she nodded before finishing up the pattern set and the laying the project aside as she got up and made her way to the door to collect her lunch. "I told you, I will not break for you. I might cry, I might scream, but I will never give you the satisfaction of falling off the wagon again. Until the day I escape from this hellhole, I will hold on to the one thing that I can control. Do I make myself clear?"

"As crystal, Erin. Enjoy your lunch." Erin took hold of the tray, jumping a little when John slammed the hatch closed, and she took a few calming breaths as she made her way to the table in order to eat, glad that she had given nothing away about her first tentative reach towards freedom in the form of Alex Blake.


	23. Chapter 23

It had been a difficult few days, as Erin hadn't wanted to constantly check the message board for replies to her comment on Alex's paper. A part of her didn't want to get her hopes up, since she knew that there was a very real possibility that the woman would just believe she was some sort of crank, trying to work her up. That was the worst case scenario for her, while the best case was that Alex had instantly believed her and had written her back to tell her that they were all now searching for her, that David had chosen to leave Penelope and was actively working with Alex in order to get her back to the living world. And now, four days later, she wasn't certain which scenario she wanted to play out.

But after a delicious breakfast, and the satisfaction of finishing both her project and a good book the previous day, Erin knew that she had to check and see if there was any update to the situation. Grabbing her notebook, she sat in front of the laptop, waking it up as she turned to the page with the URL on it. After calling up the browser, Erin had to take a series of long, deep, breaths in order to keep her hands from shaking as she typed the address into the navigation bar. Not wanting to watch the page load, Erin got to her feet and went over to her refrigerator and poured herself a glass of apple juice, wanting something to sip at as she scrolled through the comments.

Finally, she reached the one that she had left, noticing that there was a reply. Instantly, her hands started to shake almost uncontrollably, and she tried to keep from taking shallow breaths, knowing that would just push her over the edge into a full on panic attack. It took a few moments for her to expand the reply, and when she saw that it was from Alex, she very nearly burst into tears. _I'm trusting that this is you, Erin, because I want to believe that some sort of miracle is truly taking place. I received a shawl that I think was made by you, reply with what color it was, so I can know for certain. Bruce was the one who decided that you were still alive when he opened his Christmas present. It is a gorgeous sweater, and I can only imagine how long it took you to create. Now, you said that you're being held captive? Do you have any idea where you are? And do you know if John is working alone or not? There are so many questions that I want to ask, but I have to know if I'm talking to you or to him, just for my peace of mind, you see. Alex_

Quiet tears rolled down Erin's cheeks as she read and reread the words that Alex had written, wanting to memorise them for some reason. It was hard to formulate a proper response to any of her questions, but Erin knew that she had to try, because she needed an ally on the outside to help her find the way to outsmart John, to escape and have someone find her and bring her home. After the seventh time reading the words, Erin decided to take a deep breath and start to formulate her answers to Alex.

_The shawl that I made you was in the colorway Eye of the Tiger, from one of my favorite independent yarn dyers. Since it's completely wool, you need to hand wash and hang it to dry, so that the yarn doesn't felt on you. I just thought that it would be perfect for when you're grading papers on a Saturday night. And yes, I am being held captive. I know that I'm in a basement of a two story house, that it's located in the middle of the woods near a rather large lake. The drive is greater than three miles long, that was as far as I was able to walk in order to look for a road in order to try and escape when I managed to jimmy the lock on my room while John was gone sourcing my birthday presents. He brought the stone angel that Alan bought to commemorate the twins we lost. But since so many things are blocked from me on the internet, I couldn't begin to tell you where I am. Just that I am intensely alone, despite talking to John as much as I dare in order to keep some shred of sanity. And yes, he is not working alone. I don't know who he's working with, just that it is someone very close to me, and that it's someone I would least expect. Part of me wonders if it is Alan, but I don't know for certain. All I can say is that you need to be extremely careful about who you read into the situation, and that it might be better to work on this alone, just in case that person is close to you, as well. If you believe me now, please tell me how my babies are doing. Tell me that they loved what I made them for Christmas, even if they aren't certain it was from me. I don't check this every day, I need to keep John off his game, so that he doesn't suspect things, as I don't want to lose access to this lifeline. You're the bee's knees, Alex. Take care, Erin_

After hitting the send button, Erin took a few long breaths before clearing out the history once more. Rather than start a new knitting project that morning, Erin decided to curl up with a new book, finding a new music playlist to have on in the background as she read. Or at least tried to read. She found her thoughts divided between her book and her reply to Alex, knowing that there was so much more that she wanted to ask, to say, hoping that her friend understood how close she felt to her, using that old phrase at the end of her reply. That had been their signal to each other, to talk about the depth of their feelings, since neither was comfortable bandying about the word love. Finally calling it a lost cause, Erin placed a bookmark where she had left off and set the book aside before grabbing her notebook and a pen, starting to draw a picture of Alex. While she knew that it wouldn't be perfect, it was still a way to work out her nervous energy, knowing that she would have wait a few days before checking in again.

The hatch opened a little while later, and she glanced up to see that John was delivering her lunch. "You're early today."

"You've just lost track of time. What are you drawing?"

She closed the notebook and set it aside before sighing a little. "A picture of Alex. I miss her, almost as much as I miss David. Do you think that I could get a set of colored pencils? I am enjoying everything that you've brought me so far, but I'd forgotten how much I like drawing, and would like some proper tools to do it with."

"I'll see what I can do, Erin. Enjoy your lunch." She took the tray from his hands and gave him a slight smile, knowing that she was playing a dangerous game, but it was one that she was determined to win.


	24. Chapter 24

Again, Erin felt like she was in the middle of a holding pattern, and she didn't quite know how to get out of the funk that was rapidly falling down upon her shoulders. Alex hadn't been in contact for a few days, and she hadn't realized just how much she had come to rely on that lifeline until it wasn't available to her. After picking at her breakfast for another twenty minutes, she gave up and brought the tray to the door, setting it on the shelf before trudging over to the bed, collapsing on top of the quilt and staring up at the ceiling. She had been held captive for nearly a year at that point, and while it was good to know that Alex knew she was still alive, that still didn't solve any of her current problems. Turning onto her side, Erin stared across at the pictures of her loved ones, wishing that John would bring her new ones. At this point, she'd even welcome seeing new pictures of David and Penelope together, even if it would hurt her heart to see those. Letting out a little sigh, Erin reached out for her book and began to listlessly read what was written there, not really feeling into the story, even though it was by her favorite author.

"Would you like something different to read?"

Looking up from her book, she saw that John had opened the hatch and was peering inside, giving her an odd look. It was almost tender, and that was something that she didn't want to see there. Because that meant that rather than killing her, he might just keep her down here for the rest of her life, expecting her to fulfill his emotional desires. That was the last thing that she wanted, since she longed to escape and be with her loved ones again. "No, I want to see my children. I want to hear their voices and touch their faces. I miss them. Desperately."

He nodded, the look morphing into one of sympathy, which was just as hard to bear. "We both know why that isn't possible, Erin. You're dead to the world, and I plan on keeping it that way. But I'll see what I can do about getting you some new pictures of your family. If you don't mind being alone again for a few days."

"I think that I can fend for myself, John. You've made certain that I have all the comforts I could possibly want, except for the things that I truly need."

He nodded as he made a sympathetic clucking sound with his tongue. "Things could have been so different for you, if you had just taken responsibility for your actions all those years ago. But you didn't, so here we are. Though I might have to tell my partner that I've changed my mind on killing you. There's something much more delicious about this current state of things." To her horror, John blew her a kiss before closing the hatch, and she shuddered to herself as she sat up and drew her knees up to her chest as she struggled not to cry. This shift in the dynamic of their relationship truly scared her, as she didn't want to become John's object of obsession in this manner. It was hard enough when he had a murderous obsession with her, but for him to care for her? That was the last thing she wanted. Burying her face in her hands, Erin took a few deep, shaky, breaths before looking up at the ceiling and blinking rapidly as she tried to reconcile how she was feeling with how John was feeling about her.

Finally, she knew that she had to work off some of the bad energy that was filling the room, so she got up and pulled a pair of leggings and a t-shirt out of her dresser, stepping into the bathroom to quickly change into the workout clothes before getting on the stair machine and going at it as hard as she possibly could for as long as she could in order to clear her mind of everything that was worrying her. When she felt like she could do no more, Erin stopped the machine before stepping off it and reaching her arms up into the air so that she could take in as deep of breaths as possible. She was sweating profusely, which told her that had managed to get quite the workout in, and she grabbed a fresh outfit to wear before heading back into the bathroom and stripping off what she was wearing, tossing it into the hamper before getting into the shower and taking a quick, cool, shower.

It was amazing how much better she felt for the shower, and as she slowly dried off, Erin stared at her reflection in the mirror. Though she didn't think of herself as particularly pretty, David had always told her that she was beautiful, and she had started to feel that way with him. Now John was looking at her in a possessive way, and she knew that those looks made her feel the opposite of how David made her feel. Blinking back tears, she hurriedly dressed, unable to look at her naked body any longer. As she was fastening her bra, she heard the hatch open once more, and John's muffled voice broke the stillness of her room.

Erin nearly tripped as she tugged her blouse over her head and smoothed it down her torso before stepping out into the room to answer him. "What, John?"

"I just wanted to let you know that if you seriously want new pictures of your children, then I'll be leaving in the morning to head that way. Are you absolutely certain that you'll be all right down here?"

"Yes, but I'd be better if you just let me go altogether."

"That won't be happening, Erin. As much as you want it to, there is no way you're leaving this room before you die. Now, I'll see you again with your supper, and a few extra supplies for your refrigerator. And just so you know, the locks on the door at the top of the stairs will be closed, so there is no way you'll be able to get outside this time around."

"I see," she murmured as she accepted the tray from his hand. "We might have to revisit that conversation when you're back, because it's starting to feel a little cramped down here at times."

"We'll see, darling. Enjoy your lunch."

Erin was stunned into silence at the endearment, her hands shaking a little as she carried the tray over to the table and took a seat in the chair, bending her head down to say a quick prayer to God that she would be rescued soon, before John decided to take things to a more physical level between them. "Lord, please help me stay strong, and help Alex to find me before I have to start thinking of ways to rebuff John in a manner that won't anger him. I don't know what will happen if he gets truly angry with me," she whispered before picking up fork and digging into the delicious looking grilled chicken salad that had been prepared for her. There had to be a way out for her, she just couldn't find it yet.


	25. Chapter 25

"I have returned bearing gifts, Erin," John said nearly a week after she had seen him last. Turning her head to look at him, she saw that alongside the tray containing her lunch, he also had a thick manila envelope in his hands. "I even managed to get some pretty pictures of Alex, too, so that should make you happy. It appears that David and Penelope went on a holiday to his cabin, and since it's such a secluded place, I didn't feel like I could try and get pictures of them."

"I see," Erin replied as she set her knitting aside and went over to grab the things proffered. "Secluded like this place is secluded?"

"You've never been to his cabin before?" She shook her head. "Interesting. I wonder why he chose to bring his Kitten there, rather than you?"

"Who knows what goes through his head? I thought that he'd remember me for longer, but I guess that I was wrong. Since you're back, do you think that I could go outside for a little while? I want to feel the sun on my face again. Please?"

"Finish your lunch, and we'll see how I feel."

She nodded and gave him a small smile before making her way over to the table and taking a seat, digging into the casserole. It was one of her comfort foods, something that she would also always make for Tabitha and Bruce when they were feeling down, and she tried to not think about that, since she wanted to stay on guard for when John returned. She knew that there was a good possibility that she could convince him to take her out, since he hadn't outright told her no. Feeling a little bit of hope start to fill her chest, Erin ate with gusto, enjoying the taste of a dish she hadn't had in almost a year. When she was finished, Erin drank down her tea, her eyes constantly darting towards the envelope. A part of her wanted to see the pictures that John had taken, but she also wanted to save them for later, to savor them while she nibbled on a chocolate bar.

"If you want to go walking, you need to put on shoes."

Erin hadn't even heard the hatch open, and she hurriedly turned her head to look at John. "Truly?" He nodded, and she couldn't stop the smile that came to her lips as she got to her feet and went over to her closet, pushing her feet into black ballet flats before going to the door. "All right, let's head out."

"Ah ah ah, there is one more thing. I can't have you just running around free out there. Turn around, kneel on the ground, and stick your arms through the hole here." Frowning, Erin did as told, craving the feel of the son on her skin more than being cautious in that moment. The cold feeling of thin steel closing around her wrists, cluing her in as to what John had in mind. With her hands cuffed behind her back, there was no way that she could escape him like that, and her heart sank a little as she awkwardly rose to her feet, feeling like she was going to tip over at any moment. "All right, stand back from the door, and I'll open it."

Erin nodded as she took a few steps backwards, watching the door warily. The lock turned over and then he was pushing the door inwards. She unconsciously stiffened when he entered the room, a creepy smile on his face that Erin was certain meant nothing good. Still, she tried to plaster on a real looking smile as she could muster before speaking. "You'll have to follow me up the stairs, just in case I lose my balance."

"That's fine." John reached out and slipped his hand into the crook of her elbow, guiding her out into the hallway before pushing her gently towards the stairs. Erin wished that she was able to take hold of the bannister as she climbed, because she felt seriously unsteady as she slowly climbed upwards. Finally, though, she reached the top and then had to awkwardly move to the side so that John could reach forward and open the door, since she couldn't reach it with her hands behind her back. It was difficult to keep from shuddering when his hand caressed the dip of her waist, but somehow she managed to not react at all as she stepped through the open door and made her way through the pantry into the kitchen. John was right behind her, and Erin still didn't slow down, heading straight for the front door and her small taste of freedom. "Where do you want to go?"

She looked at John and took a deep breath. "To the lake. It's a beautiful day, perfect for sitting on the shore and listening to the water lap against it." John nodded before once more slipping his hand into the crook of her elbow and guiding her towards the lake. "I can walk by myself."

"I know, but I would hate if you tripped over a root and broke something. I'm not a doctor, so the recovery would be long and painful for you. Which would please my partner, but not so much myself." Again, there was the implication that he was starting to have feelings for her, and Erin rubbed her lips together slowly as she nodded, not wanting to encourage him, but knowing that she couldn't afford to anger him. Instead, she allowed him to guide her down to the lake, taking a different path from the one she had used the last time she had been outside. Making certain to memorise the new trail, Erin managed to keep her balance as they approached the lake.

"Thank you," she murmured when they reached the shore, and she subtly pulled away from him and lowered herself to the ground, crossing her legs beneath her as she stared out at the lake. "I wish that I could hold my legs close to my chest," she whispered, hoping that he wouldn't hear her for some reason. Without warning, John was suddenly fumbling with the handcuffs, unlocking her left wrist and moving the manacle so that it was attached to his left wrist.

"There, now you can lay back and stare at the sky," he said tenderly, and she gave him a fleeting smile before flopping back to look upwards. There were so many fluffy clouds there, and she smiled as she tried to make images out of the shapes. "Where are we?"

"In the woods."

"I know that much, John. I meant, what state are we in? I'm assuming New York, since that's where you took control of me, after all."

"We were in New York, in the beginning. But when your children began to get a little too nosy, we decided that it would be best to move you."

"And it has to be somewhere within driving distance, because you managed to get a lot of work done moving my belongings while I was knocked out from the drug cocktail you fed me on Christmas Eve. So, Vermont?"

There was a slight pause, before John flopped back on the ground next to her, his hand clasping hers in a tight hold. "I think you know that I won't answer that question, Erin. We don't want you to know where you are."

"What's the harm, really? I can't access any websites where I might be able to reach out to my loved ones, so there's no one that I could tell that information. And even if I know the state, that still doesn't tell me where in the state I am. You should have expected me to be curious about this. And besides, since that one, minor, incident, I've been good."

Another pause greeted her words, and Erin wondered if she was going to get an answer or not. Finally, though, he drew in a deep breath before tightening his grip on her hand. "You are a good guesser. We are in Vermont." Erin filed that bit of information away for later, hoping that she could safely get it to Alex in the next few days, knowing that this put her one step closer to freedom.


	26. Chapter 26

"All right, it's time to head back inside," John said after too little time had passed. Erin turned her head to frown at him, feeling like it had been much too short a time to be outside. "I don't want you to catch a cold, Erin."

She let out a deep sigh as she got to her feet. "And I suppose that you're going to cuff my hands behind my back again?" He nodded as he rose to his feet, too, and she fought not to roll her eyes as she turned and slipped her left hand behind her back once more, allowing him to remove the cuff from his hand and affix it to her wrist before they turned and made their way back to the house. A soft gasp of pleasure escaped her lips when a hawk swooped past them to settle on a branch, and she felt like it was a sign. Or at least, she would take it that way, she thought to herself as they finished up the journey back to the house.

"Take care going down the stairs, Erin. Again, I wouldn't want you to fall and break your neck." Since he couldn't see her as she started her descent, Erin did roll her eyes at the inane statement, even as she cautiously took each step until she was on flat ground once more. Knowing that she couldn't do anything else, she headed right into her room and kicked the door closed with her heel. The lock was much too loud to her ears, and then John was opening the hatch. "And if you want to put your arms through the hole once more, I'll set you free."

Erin snorted at his choice of words as she complied. "If you were truly going to set me free, you'd allow me outside without the handcuffs on. Though now that I've been able to feel the sun once more, I rather like it. Perhaps we could make this a weekly occurrence? After all, I need to get my vitamin D somehow."

After John had released her wrists, she turned to look out of the hatch, affixing an almost pleading expression on her face in order to soften him up. "I suppose that we could do that. Especially if it makes you this agreeable."

"I know how to play the game, John." He made a soft sound of agreement in the back of his throat before closing the hatch in her face. "Thank you," she muttered as she got to her feet and went over to the table, picking up the manila envelope and heading over to the bed. As she curled up in the corner, her comfort spot, Erin opened the seal and pulled out the stack, taking care not to touch the top picture too much, as she didn't want to get fingerprints on it. The first picture was of Tabitha and Alex together, and the wide smiles on their lips made her heart ache a little. There was something so gorgeous about the composition of the shot, and she wished that she had a free frame to put it in. "I need another picture frame, John. Maybe three," she called out before starting to go through the next few pictures.

The next picture was just of Alex, and Erin felt the breath sucked from her lungs at the expression on her friend's face. It was so open and full of yearning, and she longed to be able to touch Alex once more. She wanted to erase the sensation of John clutching at her hand with the feeling of Alex's hand in hers. Unable to stop herself, Erin reached out and traced the lines of Alex's face with a finger as she tried to keep from crying. "I will get back to you someday, and we will pick up our friendship where we left it off in New York. We were so close to reconciliation."

Knowing that she couldn't keep staring at Alex's face, she turned to the next picture, and this one was of all her children, talking about something with David and Penelope. That was a bit of a shock, even though she knew that he was taking care of her children in the best way that he knew. A part of her wasn't certain that she was comfortable with Penelope getting that close to her children, since it felt weird to her, but if it helped keep them happy, she couldn't argue with that. Still, she made a note to ask about that the next time she logged onto the article website. She knew that that would have to wait for a day or two, since she didn't want John to get suspicious, and that waiting would kill her.

The next batch of pictures were from a concert that Karen had participated in, and she sighed happily to see how beautiful her daughter looked. And how grown up. She wanted to break free before Karen went on to Julliard, which meant that she only had, at most, three and a half months. But at least she had a location to give to Alex, which would help narrow things down. While she didn't know how Alex might use that information, she knew that the woman couldn't rely on Penelope to help her out. Dollars to doughnuts, John would think of that, and since he had had access to the FBI mainframe, he could easily be keeping tabs on what the woman was doing. No, they had to play it smarter than that, even if that meant everything would take that much longer.

"Oh," she gasped out when she looked at the next picture, feeling like her heart had instantly turned to ice. It was of David and Penelope, standing in front of her headstone, and it broke her a little to see the look of pure sorrow on Penelope's face. David was stoic, which didn't surprise her. He had been quiet after losing Caroline after all, holding it all inside until he was well and truly alone. Erin supposed that he had cried in Penelope's arms a few times over her death, and that that had bound them closer together. Unable to look at the image any longer, she flipped it over to see the next one. Except this one was even worse, because it showed David embracing Penelope, holding her close to his chest. Tears began to pool in her eyes as she flipped it over and let out a small groan at the next picture, which was one of David and Penelope passionately kissing in front of her headstone. And she knew that she was reading the emotion into the picture, since there was no way to know intent from a frozen moment in time, but it felt like it would be that way. Or at least that's what her heart was telling her. Knowing that she couldn't bear to look at any other pictures in that moment, she set the pictures aside and stretched out on the bed as she stared up at the ceiling.

"I should have known that there would be surprises like this contained inside," she murmured as she picked up Tabitha's bear and hugged it to her chest. "At least I have a few beautiful pictures to hold onto, even if there were some painful images in there as well." Turning onto her side, Erin curled up in a ball around the stuffed bear and settled in for a short nap, hoping that the rest would be able to soothe her hurting heart. When she woke up, she knew that she would have to write to Alex and let her know about the new development in her captivity, since she wanted to be free from this nightmare.


	27. Chapter 27

The next morning, after Erin had finished her oatmeal, she started up her laptop and quickly navigated to the website that she had been using to communicate with Alex. Scrolling down to their thread, she smiled a little when she noticed that there were four new messages. Opening them, she gasped a little to see that these new messages were from her children along with Alex, as they had each signed off at the end of each one. There was something so hopeful about these messages, and she had to take a few deep breaths in order to keep from bursting out into sobs. She needed to be calm to read these missives, brief though they were, and then compose an answer to each of her darlings.

_I told Bruce and Tabitha that I would go first, since I'm the oldest. Mom, I didn't think that Bruce was telling the truth when he insisted that you were still alive, since anyone, really, could have made that sweater for him. Even if it was the pattern that the two of you had especially picked out. It took Doctor Blake taking us out for breakfast last week before I truly believed. I'm sorry that I was not a good daughter to you, but it was just so fantastical. And despite my wanting to tell Dave, Doctor Blake made us all aware of the fact that we can't trust anyone right now. Which sucks, because I just want the whole world to know that you've been pulled back from the gates of Heaven to join us here on Earth once more. And…now I'm crying while I think of what to tell you next. I've been accepted to Julliard, in their strings program, just like you said I would be. I played your favorite cello piece for my audition, and that was what clinched the deal for me, I think. Oh, the moment you're home, I'm playing that for you. I love you._

Erin had to wipe away tears at the tender note from her eldest daughter. She didn't know if she wanted to reply to her right away or wait until she had read what Bruce and Tabitha had written, and respond to all three of them at once. In the end, she knew that she couldn't wait to read the notes from her other children, and she blinked a few times before swiping beneath her eyes once more, clearing out the rest of the bleary tears as she focused on the next note.

_I know that we could have all written at once, since we each have our own laptops now. Top of the line ones, too, courtesy of Dave. He's been taking good care of us since you died, picking up the tab for Karen's cello lessons, and Tabitha's horse lessons, and he even bought me a new moped. Dad bristles a little at how much he does for us, but I think that he feels guilty for some reason. Maybe because he thinks that he should have been faster when you were dying, or because he wants us to not feel your loss so keenly. I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, no matter how bad it makes Dad feel. And maybe that makes me selfish, but you were happy with Dave, and if I can keep that small connection with you, through him, I'll accept whatever he offers. And I know that we can't talk like this all the time, but I hope that we can again, soon. Love you._

Erin's eyes immediately scrolled down to Tabitha's letter, wanting to drink in her words. _Mama, I love the scarf you made me for Christmas, and I would have known it was yours no matter what. David swore that it was just a coincidence that something that looked so much like your work showed up on our porch for Christmas. I wish that we knew where you were, so that we could give you something, Mama, but Lexie promised me that when you're home, we'll celebrate Christmas with you, no matter what month it is. And I've taken first place in my last three horse shows, so I can't wait to show you how much I've progressed. I even found the horse that I would love to own, and it is SO hard not to just casually mention to David that I want her. She's a beautiful dapple grey, and has the sweetest personality, and I just love her. Oh, and I love Lexie, too. Bruce and Karen are more formal with her, since she was a little standoffish at first, but I wormed my way into her heart, and she agreed to let me call her by your nickname for her. And I've gotten to know you better through her, things I don't think you would ever have told us. But it's nice to know that my mom also like guys and gals. Because now I think that I can talk to you about that, once you're home. And you will be home soon, we all feel that way, even if we don't say it. I love you, Mama, and I cannot wait to see you again._

Erin struggled to keep from breaking down into sobs, even though she knew that John was absent at the moment. She still didn't want to break down because if she let herself go, she didn't know if she could get control of herself once more. She had to call on her inner core of steel, in order to carry on and find a way out of this hell. Pausing to press the heels of her hands against her eyes, she took a few deep breaths before finally reading what Alex had written her.

_Your children are lovely, Erin. I just want you to know that first and foremost. And yes, Tabitha has managed to worm her way beneath my defenses, as she reminds me of you, back when we started at the Academy together. So open and full of love. But we'll talk about that more when we find you. I still don't have a firm grasp on where you could be, and it would be so much easier if I could talk to Garcia or Kevin about trying to track your ISP, since I know, vaguely, that you can get locations from that information. So, it's been trial and error learning for me until you agree to let me read someone else in. Now, I'm taking your kids out for brunch before Tabitha shows off her riding skills. Again, that reminds me of us, even if she's a better rider than we ever were. Take care, stay safe, and soon we'll meet again._

Erin nodded firmly at Alex's words, taking a few deep breaths as she thought about what she'd write back to them. _I'm so glad to find these notes from you all today. John is gone, I asked him for a few things, and he agreed to get them for me. That's the hardest thing to get used to, how accommodating he is of me. Things are shifting between us, and I don't like the direction that they're going all that well. Because I am afraid of what might happen if I rebuff him. You've seen firsthand what can happen in that situation, Alex. I love you all, so much, and I am counting down the days until we are together again._

She pressed send, even though she wanted to write so much more to them. But that was what her handwritten letters were for, where she didn't have to worry about John finding them and knowing that she was contacting the outside world in an effort to escape. Letting out a forlorn breath, she began to play music before pulling out her notebook and writing long letters to each of her children in turn, desperately wanting the moment she was with them to come as soon as possible.


	28. Chapter 28

_…general location. When John takes you outside next, even if it sickens you, you need to find a way to soften him up so that we can perhaps narrow down where in Vermont you are. There are a lot of little lakes in Vermont, as I am fast coming to learn. Stay safe, Erin, because we are going to rescue you as soon as possible._

Erin's eyes swam with tears at Alex's words, knowing that she was right. She had to stay strong, so that Alex and she could work together to get her out of Vermont. Drawing in a deep breath, she was about to reply when she heard the hatch door start to open, and she hurriedly closed the tab before clearing her history and then turning to face the door. It took an extra beat for her to remember to put on a smile for John, since he preferred her to have an inane look on her face, since that made him feel better. "It's a clear afternoon, Erin. Did you want to head outside to the lake? I know how much you love the water."

She nodded as she went over to her closet, stepping into tennis shoes before going to the door and kneeling down on the ground, her arms behind her back. It had been surprising how quickly she had learned how to balance with her hands cuffed behind her back, but six days of practice out of the last three weeks had been good for that. She had also noticed that John had started to loosen the cuffs, almost to the point where she could slip them off her wrists, if she wanted to take that step. "I'm surprised that there hasn't been more rain, as it seems like Vermont should have a lot of precipitation," she said quietly as he opened the door, allowing her to step out and head up the stairs.

"Usually, it is a lot rainier than this, must be you that brings about beautiful weather."

Erin flushed at those words, knowing that if John had seen her reaction, he would have thought that she truly was softening towards him. Rather, she was embarrassed at the almost uncouth way he was trying to flatter her. Erin knew that pretty words would never turn her head, and she would have thought that John would have remembered that from their time working together. Reaching the top of the stairs, she headed through the pantry and over to the front door, knowing that he would be behind her all the way, most likely staring at her ass. She had felt his gaze there often enough each time he allowed her to head outside, and she had to try to keep from shuddering at the thought of him sexualizing her.

"Well, I suppose the only thing left for you to do is open the door for me, John," she said evenly, the smile never leaving her lips as she looked placidly at him. He nodded as he did just that, allowing her to head out into nature. Without waiting for him, Erin took their path down to the lake, wanting to put as much distance between them as possible for the few brief moments that she could pretend that she was free. All too soon, he had caught up to her, his hand sliding into place around her waist to spread out on her hip, and she schooled her reactions to him as they finished their walk to the lake. "I wish that we had a boat here. I loved it when David took me out on the lake."

"I'm not good with boats, so I won't be able to make that a reality, I'm afraid," he replied as he helped her to the ground. Erin nodded as she stared out at the water, smiling to see the way the sky and trees were reflected there. "But if you want to get in the water, I suppose that I could find a swimsuit for you. Did you have one at your house?"

"I did, but I haven't been swimming in ages, so I wouldn't know if it would fit or not."

"Well, let me decide on that. You need summer clothing anyway."

She nodded as she allowed him to unfasten the handcuffs, immediately drawing her knees up to her chest as she rested her chin atop them. "That would be nice, yes. How long would it take you to get to home from here?"

Erin hoped that her tone was casual, since she didn't want to raise his suspicions about her intentions. He made a soft sound before turning his gaze on her. "Depending on which route I chose, between seven and a half and nine hours."

"That's not too bad a drive. Maybe one day, we could take it together?"

"That all depends on you, Erin. Right now, you are not ready to head anywhere with me." She nodded her head sadly before starting to hum lightly beneath her breath. "That is one side of you that I never thought would come out."

"Pardon?"

"I never knew that you could sing so well, even though Alex had mentioned that you loved it when she dragged you to the karaoke bar after a long day working on the Amerithrax case. So getting to hear you like this is quite the blessing for me." She nodded a little once more before taking off her shoes and getting to her feet, heading down to water's edge before stepping in, loving the feel of the coolness on her skin. "You almost look like a water goddess, Erin. You're just wearing a few too many clothes."

"I think that I am wearing the perfect amount of clothing, John. Please, don't make this creepier than it already is. You're holding my captive, I am your prisoner, and I will never strip for you." Turning her head to look over her shoulder at him, Erin fixed a small glare on his face. "I will not be your sexual slave. Ever. Do I make myself clear?"

He had a maddening smile on his lips as he nodded, as if he was just humoring her before he attempted to wear her down to his desires. Curtly nodding, Erin looked back out across the lake as she held on to the knowledge that she was only eight hours away from home. That would help narrow things down for Alex, and she couldn't wait to let her know, since this was another step closer on her journey home. Finally, though, she couldn't stand how the cold was seeping into her bones, so she turned and made her way back to shore, picking up her shoes. "Ready to head back in, Erin?"

"Yes. And if you don't mind, I'll be good, but I have to carry my shoes down to my room, and won't be able to do that with my hands cuffed behind my back." He gave her a tiny nod before getting to his feet and closing his arm around her waist once more, holding her tightly as they went back towards the house. She accepted the hold, since she knew that it would further throw him off kilter. Anything to have him lower his guard and let her find out more information about where she was being held. Anything to be that much closer to being with David, her children, and Alex once more. It would all be worth it in the end.


	29. Chapter 29

Erin had chosen to wait a day or two before contacting Alex with the news about how many hours away from Quantico she was. She knew that it wouldn't narrow things down entirely for her, but perhaps it could help Alex narrow down where to search. Still, by the time she had finally decided to check in with Alex, her palms itched with eagerness to tap away at the keyboard. Deciding to forego a little caution, she decided to eat breakfast while she checked for new messages from her children or Alex. It didn't take her long to type out the web address, as she had it memorized at that point, and then she was scrolling down to the latest messages.

_I got another blue ribbon, Mama, and I cannot wait until you are able to see me ride again. But having Lexie come and watch me every competition almost makes up for your absence. Almost. I also wanted to ask, since I haven't before, do you have Draco? I was cleaning my room the other day and couldn't find him. I hope that you do, so that you have a small part of me with you in your prison. And I know, I'm being fanciful, but I just can't help but feel like you are trapped in a nightmare that will never end unless we can find you. I'll try to get Lexie to give me an extra hug when I see her next, because that almost reminds me of your hugs. I have to go now, I've made myself cry, but I love you, Mama._

Erin swiped her eyes free from tears to read Tabitha's note to her and she had to take a few deep breaths before she could properly respond to what her daughter had written. _I do have Draco, darling. John had him waiting for me in my room, back when I was still in the other place, and he has been a comfort to me on the long nights when I'm missing you and your siblings. Because I do miss you all, so much. And when you give Lexie that extra hug, tell her it's from me. (Even though I know that you're reading these messages, too, Alex.) Do well at your next competition, darling, and I love you to the moon and back._

It took her another few minutes to get her bearings once more, and she played a few hands of solitaire in order to calm herself enough to be able to appropriately compose a note to Alex. When she returned to the forum, however, she found a new reply waiting for her. _I do scan over each message, yes, Erin, just to make certain I don't miss anything, though I try not to read the back and forth between you and your children. Is everything all right? You've been away for a few days. I hope that you're able to see this message before you have to be away for a few more days. Everyone misses you, and I feel like I'm failing you, because I'm no closer to sussing out where in Vermont you are._

The abrupt ending didn't surprise Erin, since that was always how Alex worked. When things got too close for comfort, she just shutdown, much like Erin did, and so she took it in stride as she began to formulate her response to the woman. _If you had been a few minutes later, you would be replying to me, rather than the other way around. I just needed to compose myself, as it is far too easy to cry these days. I'm certain that you remember how much I hate doing that, Lexie. Anyway, I do have a bit of an update for you in regards to where I'm being held. It's not too much, but it is a start. John told me a few days ago that, depending on the route that he uses, it takes him between 7 and a half and eight hours to reach my house from this cabin. Again, I know that it's not much, but it does give you a bit of a starting point to begin narrowing things down. I hope that everything is going all right with you and the team. Seeing the pictures of David and Penelope together is a bit more distressing than I would have thought, but he keeps bringing them to me, as if he knows that he's cutting apart my heart piece by piece in doing so._ A sound caught her attention, and Erin listened closely, finally figuring out that it was John approaching her room. _He's back, so I have to go. Stay safe, and a world of love, my Lexie._

After hurriedly pressing post, Erin closed the tab and cleared her history, a bit amazed at how quickly that move had become second nature to her. Then she called up YouTube and began to watch one of the videos from a creator that she had started to like, trying to make it look like she wasn't guilty of anything. At this point, she couldn't afford to go back to square one, if John thought that she should be moved once more. Nor did she want to be drugged again, since he hadn't done that to her since she had been moved to Vermont, and she wanted to keep it that way. The hatch of her door swung open, and Erin waited a few beats before turning her head to look in his direction, giving him one of her false smiles. "I wasn't expecting to see you this afternoon, John," she said evenly, hoping that he would take the hint and tell her why he had shown up unannounced.

"The weather forecast for the next week is calling for rain every day. I thought that you might like to get outside before the deluge happens. You don't have to go, I just thought that I'd offer while the weather was still nice."

Erin thought for a moment before nodding. "I'd like that, yes. Give me a minute to get my shoes on, and then I'll be right over." Getting up from the table, she went over to her closet and pulled out her tennis shoes, slipping them on her feet before tying the laces and making her way to the door. As she went to kneel for the handcuffs, she heard John's sharp indrawn breath and paused. "What?"

"I think that we can forego the handcuffs for today. You've been quite good the last few times we went outside, so I think I can trust you this time."

Erin's heart leapt up in her chest and she nodded as she took a few steps back from the door, allowing him to open it. She knew that now wasn't the time to try and get the jump on him, since he was watching her closely enough to where he could easily lock her inside once more, but it was still going to be a nice day outside, even if she did have to be subject to his arm around her waist as they made their way down to the lake. "I wish that I had a camera to take pictures with, as the lake is so beautiful," she said as she took a seat on the shore.

"I'll see about getting you one," John replied as he settled down next to her, reaching out for her hand. Erin fought to keep from pulling away, but it was hard to do, to just passively allow him to hold her hand as they both stared out at the water, silence falling over them as she tried to focus on thoughts of escape and freedom.


	30. Chapter 30

Erin had just finished watering her orchid when she heard a series of weird noises above her head. Even though it was pointless, she held her breath as she crept over to her laptop and muted the sound so that she could hear a little better, wondering if John was cleaning or moving furniture, since that would explain all the noise. As her lungs started to burn, Erin let out a slow, long breath before trying to breathe as quietly as possible, all her attention on the floor above her. Within a few moments, she was able to discern the fact that there were two sets of footsteps stomping around up there, and her breathing started to become shallow as she realized that John had brought his partner with him.

Apprehension and fear filled her heart as she crept over to the door, stopping to grab a knitting needle before she got there and kneeling in front of the door in order to jimmy the lock once more. She was certain that the person John was working with was Alan, and now she had the perfect opportunity to prove that thought. Once she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was her ex-husband, she could pass that news on to Alex and have her look into Alan, to find out as much as she could about what he was doing in order to track down where they were keeping Erin. She crept up the stairs as quietly as she could, which meant that it took way too long for her liking, but she wanted to make certain that she wasn't caught by either of them.

Finally, Erin reached the top of the stairs and pressed her ear against the door in order to try and hear things a little better. She knew that they were in the kitchen, since that was the room above hers, and thankfully for her, the pantry door was open so that the sound carried better. It took a moment for her to be able to focus in on the voices, as her heart thundered in her ears, blocking out any and all sounds for a good thirty seconds. "…she's lonely. We've kept her locked up in the basement for a year now. But I've changed my mind. I don't want to kill her any longer. It is my intent to woo her slowly, and to end up with her as my partner. In all ways. And I'm making progress. It's gotten to the point where I don't have to drug her food any longer when I go into her room to leave her presents or get her laundry and replenish her bath goods."

"She's far stronger than you give her credit for, John. Just look at how long it took me to get her to lower her guard enough so that I could slip in and woo her. It would have been better if I had been the one to call her out on her drinking problem, since that would have bonded her all the more quickly to my side. Still, the constant love bombing while she was in rehab had its desired effect, and…"

Erin knew that she couldn't bear to hear any more of the argument that the men were having, and she tripped back down the stairs as quickly and quietly as she could manage before closing the door softly. There was nothing to be done about the unlocked door, as she had never learned how to relock the mechanism. Somehow, she made it over to the bed, collapsing upon the mattress as she tossed the knitting needle in the direction of her project basket before curling up into a tight ball as she tried desperately not to sob. Her brain was racing at a million miles a second, as she tried to understand how everything that she had thought she had known about her life for the past two and a half years had been a complete and utter lie.

"I loved him, I trusted him," she murmured blankly as she stared at the wall, not really seeing anything as she felt grief begin to settle around her shoulders, a heavy mantle that she was certain she would buckle beneath if she were to get to her feet in the next few minutes. "I allowed him to get close to my children! He's still in contact with them. Fuck."

Panic began to claw at her chest as her mouth filled with the bitter taste of bile, and she shakily got to her feet before staggering over to the bathroom, barely managing to make it to the toilet before losing the contents of her stomach. It took ages for her to be able to get control of herself once more, and somehow she managed to push herself to her feet before making her way to the sink. Turning the water on, she washed out her mouth and brushed her teeth, trying to feel normal once more, even though her entire world had changed in a matter of seconds. She didn't know how her children would take the news that the man who had become like another father to them was the one working with John to keep her in this hell, and if she knew Tabitha, she'd be unable to keep her mouth closed. Her youngest daughter wore her heart on her sleeve, which Erin normally loved, but knew was a detriment in this case. Drying off her face and hands, Erin made her way back out to her room and sat heavily on the bed, grabbing Tabitha's stuffed bear and hugging it close to her chest. "I have to find a way to let Alex know who John is working with. I can't keep her in the dark, since this definitely affects how we'll go about rescuing me. And even then, I don't know how this will truly help us, because Alex is no longer with the BAU, and she truly cannot trust to ask Penelope anything about me and how to find me. Oh god, what if they've chatted while Alex has been with my children? Penelope would think nothing about telling David what she had heard, and they could all be in danger."

Erin began to feel sick again, even as she heard the muffled, angry, sound of David and John fighting once more. In that moment, she understood with bitter clarity that the reason for their ire with each other was over the fact that they had colluded to see her killed after torturing her by keeping her locked up until her spirit was too badly broken as to be fun to watch any longer. David, despite being allowed in her bed, despite having gained her trust enough to tell him that she loved him after everything Alan had done to her, had been playing a long con game in which she was supposed to die, and she had no earthly idea how she had missed all the warning signs that would have pointed to the fact that she was making a fool of herself. Things started to make sense about the Replicator case, however, things that she had never quite been able to reconcile about how John had always known where they were, what they were doing, and which cases to replicate in his mad effort to get revenge on her. And that revenge had now changed, mutated, into a creepy sort of possessive love that wasn't truly love, and she had no idea how to find her way out of the nightmare, she just knew that she needed to escape before anything else happened between them all.


	31. Chapter 31

Eventually, the voices and footsteps faded, and Erin waited for John to bring her supper, since he had missed delivering lunch to her, forcing her to scrounge for a small meal in her refrigerator. It had sated her hunger for the moment, but both nerves and lack of anything filling had left her stomach growling loudly by the time the hatch opened and John slid the tray through. "You didn't bring me lunch," she murmured lowly as she joined him by the door, picking up the tray and smiling to see that he had made her favorite casserole.

"I was unexpectedly occupied, Erin."

"With your guest?"

He crouched down to stick his head through the door, frowning a little at her. "How did you know that someone else was here?"

Erin shrugged a little as she brought the tray to her table, setting it down before facing John once more. "It wasn't that hard to figure out, John. An extra set of feet on the floor, a different timbre of voice responding to yours, and I just knew that you had a visitor. Was it someone who lives in the area? I couldn't figure out who was talking. And if it is a neighbor, do you think that next time I could meet them, too? I mean, if we're going to live here together, we have to present as a united front. Right?"

"It was not our neighbors, Erin, since we don't have any neighbors within a fifteen mile radius. No, that was my partner, and we were having a discussion about where things go from here. Since you've been my captive for a year, my partner feels like I should make a move and end your misery. I am trying to convince him that you need to suffer a little more, that a year is not long enough for you to realise the depths of your perfidy. We still haven't come to a consensus on things, so for now, you get to live."

She tried to school her features into an appropriately grateful expression as she nodded. "That's good to hear, John. But perhaps, with time, we can start integrating my belongings into the house upstairs? I know that it will be hard to trust me for the first little bit, but it's been a year, and maybe I could have a little more freedom?"

"You already try to press against my boundaries, Erin. And you're not too good at hiding that fact. Especially since this door is unlocked. Are you absolutely certain that you couldn't discern who I was talking with?"

"No, I couldn't make out their voice, though the sound of their footsteps lead me to think that it's a woman?" she asked, hoping that he would believe her dumb act. After giving her a tight nod, John slammed the door closed and she heard the lock fall into place. Now that she was alone with her food, Erin allowed herself to relax once more, knowing that she might have gotten into John's head a little. He hadn't outright denied her request, after all, and from what she had heard him tell David, he cared for her, which would cloud his judgement, allowing her to manipulate him a little in her quest for freedom.

It was only when she was in the middle of her meal that she realized John had inadvertently given her some pertinent information that would help Alex track her down. "Alex!" she said none too quietly, stopping her words before she said something that John might clue into and then tip David off about her search for Erin. Hurriedly finishing her meal, Erin pushed aside the tray before putting the laptop in front of her, booting it up and heading to the forum, intent on giving Alex the latest news. Even though she was staying away from replying, Erin was counting on the belief that she would still be checking in on their conversation, just to make certain that Erin was still all right.

_This message is for Alex's eyes only, darlings. I know that you'll want to read the rest of it from that opening sentence alone, but I need you to promise to God that you will not read the rest of this short missive. Your personal safety depends upon it, and I couldn't bear if something happened to you before I managed to escape. I love you all, and I'll write to you individually soon, I swear._ Erin made certain to put a large space between that introduction and her next words, hoping that that would cause the message to collapse and that her children would only see that first bit. _All right, Alex, I know that you won't reply to this message right away, but I have to let you know two very important things. The first will hopefully help you zero in on my location, as John let me know that we don't have any neighbors within a fifteen mile radius. That seems like a large amount of empty land, so I pray that you can find where I might be based on that. Though I am not giving up on trying to outsmart John and escape on my own, knowing that you're also looking for me helps stem this sadness in me. John was talking to his partner today, and confirmed what I was thinking, he is in love with me, or rather, the idea of keeping me as his and his alone. He thinks that he's breaking my spirit, but I'm just trying to act like he is. His partner, though, can see right through me, and well he should, since we were sharing a bed for a year before John kidnapped me. David is working with John, and I don't know how long they've been partners in crime. From what I overheard from them, though, he's been planning on trying to destroy me since before I went into rehab for the second time. My heart is broken, and I don't know what will happen from here on out, but I need you to protect my children from him as best you can. But they can't know that he's working with John, because that might end up with them hurt. I know that this is a lot to put on your shoulders, but I trust you to keep them safe. And I would work under the assumption that David knows you're looking for me, and thus, zeroing in on him. Please be safe, I love you, and I am so glad that we reconnected so that you could be there for my children. Until we speak again, yours, Erin._

After pressing the post button, Erin sat back and stared at the screen blankly. It was still a shock to consider that, in the space of a day, her entire world had shifted so dramatically. And it also made sense as to how John had gotten the pictures of her children, how he'd had access to her house, how he knew exactly what things she would need after she had asked for them. Shuddering a little, Erin got to her feet and brought the tray over to the door, setting it on the shelf before peeking her head outside the hatch to see if John was perhaps lurking, waiting for her to say something, but there was no one there. Letting out a discontented sigh, Erin went back over to her bed and took a seat, blindly picking up her knitting project and letting the comforting click clack of her needles calm her spirit as she watched the yarn move from ball to project, slowly taking shape into the scarf that she had once hoped to gift to David, before today. Before he had destroyed the trust that she had placed in him after coming out of rehab, when she was at her most vulnerable. But just as she had done before, she would pick herself up from the ground, brush the dirt off her knees, and find a way to move forward once more, without him by her side.


	32. Chapter 32

Erin took another look at the calendar on the wall. It was officially May, and she had been John's prisoner for a year now. The time had passed much more quickly than she had thought it would, and yet it seemed like she had been kept in her basement cage for an eternity. The one thing that she found herself looking forward to was her jaunts outside, since John had started to become a little more lax on his safety protocols. Instead of cuffing her before letting her out of her room, he was now opening the door and cuffing her wrist to his the moment he could touch her. There was something comforting about that development, as she knew that this was all leading up to the point where his defenses would be so lowered that she could take him and push him into the room, locking him away while she went about finding her freedom.

That was still probably a few weeks away yet, but the tantalizing idea of her freedom was starting to become clearer in her mind. Which meant that she was that much closer to her children, and to Lexie. And to David and Penelope, but they were slowly becoming an afterthought in her mind, since she knew that things couldn't return to the way that they had been, and she was slowly growing accustomed to that idea. After the possessive way that John was starting to treat her, she was also glad that she wouldn't be returning to a relationship, as she was growing more and more comfortable with the idea of being able to be on her own.

Looking at the picture of Alex and Tabitha that she had set up on her table, Erin keyed in the address of the forum and scrolled down to find the newest messages. After reading updates from her children, she found a message that she didn't want to read, ever. _There was a horrible case in Texas, Erin. Reid was shot, and I called him Ethan by mistake, and he almost died because I let myself become distracted. I was thinking of you, and how I could help you escape, and I nearly was shot myself, but Reid pushed me out of the way and took the bullet to his neck instead. It should have been me, but for the grace of the God that you believe in. But I came to understand, as I watched over Reid, as I was nearly killed again by corrupt cops, that I can no longer do this job. It nearly killed you, it nearly killed me. I need to devote my time entirely to finding you, and starting over in a purely academic world. I thought that being back with the BAU was everything I ever wanted, but it turned into my worst nightmare. When I first joined, it was to prove to you how much better I was at profiling than you. But you showed me over the months that you had changed so much, and I was still stuck in the past, holding on to a bitterness that was only going to destroy me. So I softened to you, but not soon enough, not in time to protect you from John, and now he has you and I am desperately trying to find you once more. I, I'm going to be out of contact for three weeks as I try to regroup and find my footing once more, but please be assured that I will not be giving up my time with your children, nor will I stop looking for you. I just need to disconnect, painful as that will be for me. I love you, Erin, and I will find you, no matter how long that might take._

There was no sign off to the letter, but still, Erin felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest as she reread what Alex had written. Three weeks without seeing her words was going to drive her to insanity, even though she would have access to her children and their words. She was getting used to being alone, but had grown accustomed to being able to reach out to Alex, even though she knew that her babies were reading every word written. That didn't really matter all that much, since she felt it helped them understand who their mother was, and what a beautiful friendship she had once had with the woman. Blinking back tears, she replied to the post there, knowing that she had to tell Alex that that was all right, that she understood the need to disconnect in order to regain her bearings, so that Alex wouldn't feel guilty about doing so.

_I completely understand the need to take some time to reevaluate what's happening. It's a lot. But I am so glad that you're going to be with my children. They need to hear stories from the time we were in the Academy together. But perhaps only the good stories, none of the questionable ones. Okay? And if Tabitha manages to get you up on a horse again, I want to see pictures of that when we're together once more. I can almost see you in a similar riding costume to Tabitha's, looking regal and elegant. And there I go, rambling again, when all I wanted to do was reassure you that everything will be fine. I spent so many months at the mercy of John without any hope that I could contact my children or my friends ever again. So this has been lovely, and I know that we will pick it back up again, either in person, or over this platform, though I truly hope that it is in person. I love you, too, Lexie, and I await the day I see my friend again._

Knowing that she couldn't write to her children that afternoon, too, she took her usual precautionary steps before playing some music while she went to the bed and began to read her current book. It was hard to get back into the rhythm of reading, since she was grieving for something that she had all too quickly become dependent upon. Still, she tried to soldier on, as she didn't want John to start asking too many questions about why she was so down. Finally, she had to give that up, though, and she set the book aside before getting to her feet once more and beginning to pace back and forth, feeling a bit like a trapped animal. Which she was, in all actuality, since she was kept her by John with limited contact with anyone, including himself. Even if he had started to talk to her more and more. Erin had started to humor him, knowing that any conversation was better than no conversation, even if it was with her enemy.

Finally, feeling like she had worked out a bit of her angst, Erin took a seat at her table once more, opening her notebook to the first blank page and starting a letter to Karen, wanting to ask her about the girlfriend she had fleetingly mentioned in one of her quick notes to Erin on the forum. She wanted her eldest daughter to know that she loved her no matter who she loved, thinking about how much things had changed since she had been in high school, and feeling things for her best friend. Those things hadn't been talked about in the social circles she ran in, and so she had been glad when a boy had taken interest in her, and she had actually felt the same way about him as she had about Patricia. It had made her feel more normal, at a time when that had been all that she had craved. But now, when she was comfortable in her skin, a part of her wondered if it was time to be absolutely true to herself, as soon as she was free from John's clutches. It was something that she would have to explore, and she couldn't wait until she was free to do so.


	33. Chapter 33

Erin had tried not to notice the fact that her supper had been late the previous evening, because John hadn't mentioned anything about his tardiness when he had dropped off a, frankly, lazy meal of macaroni and cheese, though he had tried to spruce it up by including broccoli and chicken. Her sleep had also been uneasy, as if she was yearning for something that she couldn't have in that current moment. That had then resulted in a longer than normal shower in an effort to wake herself up, and since she was already taking extra time, she went to the next level and applied a full face of makeup before doing something new with her hair. It was long enough now to reach the middle of her shoulder blades, so she had begun to look up different ways to braid her hair or other ways to arrange her locks. A part of her wondered if anyone would recognize her like this, since she had a hard time recognizing herself in the mirror some days.

Finally feeling satisfied with what she had done, Erin stepped out of the bathroom and was surprised to see that her breakfast had already been left for her on the table, and a soft sigh slipped from her lungs when she saw that along with the food, John had left her a few presents. The one thing that caught her eye, first and foremost, was the purple mystique orchid that dominated the table. This had been on her plant wishlist for ages, and she had been hoping that David or one of her children would buy it for her birthday. Now it was hers, and she wasn't certain how she felt about the plant. It was truly gorgeous, more so than the pictures had shown online, but it was also coming from someone who didn't love her. Still, she wouldn't reject the spot of beauty from her life, and she caressed the leaves gently before bringing the planter over to her nightstand and setting it where she could look at it upon waking.

Returning to the table, she dug into the food that John had provided, smiling a little to see that he had made her favorite breakfast of eggs benedict, along with a side of streaky bacon and fresh squeezed orange juice. He was definitely trying to make her feel better, which should unsettle her, but it was something that she needed that morning. After finishing her meal, Erin brought the tray back over to the door before going back to the table to see what else John had left her. A pleased hum began to pour from her lips as she looked at the succulents that he had managed to procure for her. There was a rather large living rock, a truly gorgeous string of pearls, and a collection of different shaped and sized cacti. Again, Erin ran her fingers over them, loving the feel of the plants against her skin, even the prickly cacti, because they were alive and she was going to take care of them.

One by one, she carried the pots over to her dresser and set them in a pleasing order before looking around for a watering can. "I love the plants, John, but I need a watering can for them, along with orchid food and a good 10-10-10 fertilizer. They should be all right for now, but those will become a necessity in the near future. Already, this is starting to feel even more like home."

Before settling down with her current knitting project, Erin took another look at the pictures of her family that she had on her dresser, feeling more connected to them in that moment for some odd reason. Once she was satisfied that she had looked her fill, Erin went over to the bed and curled up on the mattress as she started to knit. The hours passed quickly as the shawl grew, since it was an easy pattern that just flew off her needles, and Erin didn't look up again until John brought her lunch. An easy smile curved her lips upwards when she saw that he had already brought her the necessary items to take care of her plants. "I assumed that this would make you happy, Erin. I like seeing you smile."

"I like smiling, John. I like not being serious all the time. And I love that orchid. I have wanted one like that for ages, but could never justify adding it to my collection. The only thing I'm lacking now are my bonsais, but I'm hoping that one of my children are taking care of them. Helen would know more about that, as my former assistant, but there is no way that you could check in with her, since she would know what you look like. So I'll just have to hope that someone is taking care of them."

"I can see about getting you some bonsai trees for your room."

"I would like that, John, thank you." He closed the hatch after those words, and Erin frowned a little as she got to her feet and brought the tray over to her table, eating the delicious sandwich that he had provided for her meal. Once that was finished, Erin picked up her supplies and brought them over to the dresser, setting them in one corner before taking a seat in front of her laptop and turning it on. Even though it had only been a week since she had last heard from Alex, and that it would likely be two more weeks before the woman wrote again, she still wanted to check, just in case she had broken down and wrote to her.

Just as she had suspected, there wasn't a message from Alex, but she was surprised to see that there was something from Bruce. _Hey, Mama, I just wanted to check in and make certain that you're doing okay. I know that Alex mentioned that she was going to hold off on writing you as she got her heart and mind in order again, so I guess that it's up to us to keep this channel of communication open while she heals. I've been watching the weather Vermont, and I'm sorry that you're getting so much rain. We've had a few showers here and there, but nothing like what you're experiencing. We haven't gotten any closer, really, to your exact location, but Alex thinks that she'll have it narrowed down by the end of these three weeks. Your friend is really smart, and while Karen doesn't like to admit it, she really likes her, too. I think that she's just trying to protect herself, since you aren't home with us yet, and she doesn't want to lose anyone else that she loves. Tabby, well, she's just wrapped her Lexie around her little finger. But were you really surprised to read that? Tabitha can bring even the most unyielding person to her wants with her charm. And it is rather funny to see Alex bow to Tabitha's at times tyrannical demands. Alex is almost terrified of horses, but Tabitha managed to sweettalk her into riding with her at her latest lesson. Even Dave was giggling at how nervous she was on her horse, though Tabitha worked to have her looking good by the end of the afternoon. I don't think she'll be getting in the saddle every time she joins us at Tabitha's lessons or events, but it would be nice if we could all go on a trail ride when you're back with us. Anyway, I suppose that I should get going, since I have to study for finals, and get a research paper written. I wish that I could call you, because then we could talk while I worked. Hopefully, we can rescue you from John soon, and then we can just be together as a family. I'll talk to you soon. Bruce_

Erin's eyes misted up as she read her son's note, sending out a quick reply before going over to the bed and settling in with her current book. She couldn't help but feel like there was a brighter spot of hope in the air for her escape, she just didn't know why she felt that way, but she wasn't going to discard that feeling just because it had no basis in material reality just yet.


End file.
